I can’t cope

I’m really struggling @Peregrinefalcon. I don’t think my CM gets how low I’m feeling. She just told me that I’ve worked too hard to give up. I guess she is right. But I feel like there is only so much I can do. There is only so much fight in me and I feel like it’s run out. I don’t even see myself going to work tomorrow and I love my job. I just don’t have any care for life anymore.

Sorry for the bad response but it’s how I feel.

Thank you so much for checking in. I feel like you are hearing me when no one else is.

I hear you @Captain24. It's an awful feeling, that sense of numbness. Everything feeling so 'meh', even the things we generally enjoy.

It's a tricky one. Sometimes it can be best to take the day off and rest, other times it is worthwhile getting out of the house and having some routine.

What do you think is on your agenda for today?

Also - just to note: My shift will be ending here soon. I would not want you thinking I was ignoring you!! The lovely @amber22 will be here shortly

Sitting with you ❤️ @Captain24

Thanks for your support today @Peregrinefalcon. I really do appreciate it! I guess I really have to work tomorrow. Maybe it will help.

Thanks @amber22.…

What are you up to today? 🙂 @Captain24

I’m trying to convince myself to get things done today ready for work tomorrow @amber22. Not that I want to go to work. That in itself shows where I’m sitting. This mess of my life started last March and I haven’t called in sick once due to my MH because I love my job.

What did you get up to this morning?

That's a big thing not calling into work sick for a whole year, you seem really committed to your job! What do you do for work do you mind me asking? @Captain24 And how are you feeling about tomorrow?

This morning I actually made an orange and poppyseed cake - I love baking so it was nice to be able to do some this morning, I haven't baked in agesssss

I did call in sick with Covid but never for mental health reasons. @amber22. In 5 years I’ve probably had 20 sick days but I’ve had Covid 3 times so that accounts for most of it.

I drive those big coal dump trucks and love it!

I’m really feeling anxious about going tomorrow and I don’t know why. I think I just can’t face having to pretend to be ok when I feel far from it. I don’t know if I can fake it.

Orange and poppyseed cake sounds nice. Poppyseeds show up in a drug test though! Lucky I don’t bake 😂. What else do you like baking?

Omg what a cool job, that sounds so sick!! @Captain24

I remember you telling me that you have had covid 3 times, surely thats a record! I do think that taking mental health days off of work should be so normalised though, so if you don't feel up to it then don't hesitate to call in a sick day. Our minds need taking care of too, just like our bodies. Sometimes working can make me feel better because it forces me to distract myself a bit, but when I am feeling anxious it is the last thing that will make me feel better, so only you can gauge if it will be okay for you or if you would prefer to stay home.

Haha I did not know they show up in drug tests what!!!! I just made it from a packet mix but I find it really therapeutic. My favourite thing to make is brownies though (I am a massive chocoholic hehe).