I can’t cope

Hey @tyme

I got home today. I was up at 5:45 packed and started cleaning the house we stayed in. Mum and dad took forever to sort their stuff out and then I could finish. I took my dogs for a walk along the beach at 9 and the surf was really rough and the beach was closed to swimmers. Then I rang mum and said that I was going to the rock face to look at the rough waves crashing against the rocks so she came as well. We left at about 11:15 and stopped a couple of times for Pix as she really wasn’t coping with the heat and the stress of the car ride. I got home at 5 and I have unpacked everything, put the suitcase away, sorted all the washing and have washed the dogs sandy towels and the quilt cover is currently in the wash. I’ve had a shower and washed my hair had dinner then dried my hair and now I’m finally sitting down and not having to do anything! Big day.

I can’t say anything else. Just I’m not ok.

I responded to your email from last night.

I hope dinner is good. How was your day?

Hey @Captain24 ,

I'm so lost. Sorry I haven't read all my notifications yet....

I vaguely remember you saying you had a trip coming up. So this was the trip?

Also, what is the heat like where you have been?

Geez, I can't concentrate! I'm laughing because Ruby keeps nudging for me to pat her. She nudges my elbow to stop me typing!

What today's interactions with your parents better than yesterday?

I haven't checked the email. I'll do it now 🙂

I've had a big week this week. So many meetings and reports to write. I had a meeting until just after 8pm tonight!

I"m sorry you don't feel okay tonight. I hope peer support will help you feel better by the end of tonight 🙂

Sorry I’m confusing @tyme

We went away last Thursday and just got home today. That’s where my photos have come from if you have seen them. If not that’s ok and probably why you don’t understand what was happening. I’m sorry.

Yesterday was 39 degrees at where we were and apparently it was similar here. There was an extreme fire warning for where we were and here as well. Today wasn’t too bad driving home, the hottest it got was 33 degrees so it wasn’t too bad.

That’s a bit cute. They have a way about them to make you pay attention. My two are both sound asleep, they are soooo tired from being away.

Mum was ok today, dad just wanted to leave to go home while mum and I spent so much time watching the water.

That's huge! That’s a late meeting. It never stops for you.

It’s hard I’m scared to say as I don’t want to get into anymore trouble tonight. I’m feeling like a failure. I hope that’s not a breach. I have been trying really hard and thought I was doing a bit better.

Don’t worry about checking it. It isn’t recovery focused

Hey @Captain24 ,

Oh! In my head, I thought you were just going for walks! I didn't realise that's where the photos were from. Just shows how much I've missed. I miss a few days, and I'm LOST.

The photos were magnificent though. Truly amazing. And to know that your mum can watch and embrace the water is so spiritually wow for me. I don't even know how to explain it.

My brain is so buzz today... I haven't even reached the email inbox yet. Everytime I open the inbox, I get diverted and forget. I WILL do it! Forgive the ADHD brain!

As for what you said, that you feel like a failure, why would that be a breach?? Sometimes, I feel like a failue too!

I share the extent of my brain at the moment. I'll try and tell this in the most anonymous way I can... I was out today. I had a key to a quiet room and I got a phone call so I went into that room to have the call. My brain then told me to follow up on the phone call stuff which I did so I worked on my laptop for a bit. When it was time to go, I picked up my laptop and walked off... the door shut. I left my phone and keys in the room!!!!

There was NO one around at that time... I walked everywhere looking for people. I was thinking to ask someone for their phone to make a call, but WHO KNOWS anyone's number off by heart nowadays? So yeah... eventually, after 30+ mins, I found someone who was cleaning and asked if they could open the door for me... so yeah, that's how chaotic my day was before I came on the forums...

So if anyone's a failure? It's me!!!!

We both love watching it. It’s something that we can connect on @tyme

Its ok.. it’s not recovery focused so it doesn’t matter.

It’s not recovery focused feeling like a failure. I’m just crying. It’s been a bit tough around here. I’m just scared of what I can and can’t say.

OMG what a disaster! That’s something I would do though. That would have been a huge set back for the day and frustrating. But you did get there in the end which is good

Awww hun. That sounds so hard. I hear there's a lot going on for you at the moment!

Oh, I just had another important work call I had to attend to so I'm even further behind. Don't worry though. I WILL get to the email.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my email yesterday. I'll get to it asap.

If I don't post here tonight again, have a good night. Don't be so hard on yourself . Take a breather and practice some of those skills you've worked on with your psych 🙂 @Captain24

You CAN do it

It’s all my own fault @tyme No one to blame but myself.

I have my gyno appointment in the morning too. The urgent one.

So much going on.

I got to it @Captain24 .

I will check in with you tomorrow late evening re your appointment. Will be thinking about you.

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@Captain24 wrote:

  

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

  

@AuntGlow @tyme @Jynx

 

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BEACH PICS WITH BEACH PIX, JET SETTING WITH JETT!! I love them I love them I love them @Captain24!!

How are ya hun?

I’m a little down @Jynx. But it doesn’t matter.

I’ve got more epic pics from yesterday before we left. I’ll post them later.

I had my gyno appointment today and I have surgery on the 18th of November. So that’s a little unsettling on top off everything else.

How are you going? How has your days off been?