I can’t cope

I hope so @Ru-bee. Plus my back still hurts and I have to sit in a truck all night that I find uncomfortable and it hurts my back and tailbone

Hi @Captain24,

I am sorry to hear that you didn't feel okay yesterday... how are things sitting with you this evening?

Glad to hear that work felt a little easier though, yay!

I really hope you can sit with how powerful and impactful you are Captain - this is amazing.

Any word from the facilitator today? 💛

Hey @AuntGlow

Sorry I was at work last night and I will be tonight too.

I still feel really unsettled and uneasy. But I got through work with only a few really bad mess ups. Lots of little ones though.

I don’t see myself as powerful. I see myself as failing.

The facilitator sent me a message last night but I only just got it. I’m not allowed my phone at work. I’ve messaged back and said I know I was suppose to call but I don’t really do phone calls! See what the response is

Im about to have a shower and go to bed.

I’m supposed to be asleep but I just can’t sleep. It’s stressing me out as I need to be able to function tonight.

Last night was really overwhelming and I came home feeling really over stimulated. I can say this now I know what it is.

Im feeling really different but not in a good way. It like im charged inside and it wants to get out. It feels like when I need to SH to release it. It’s really taking over. I feel kind of wired and ant relax.

I don’t know but all I know is it’s not ok. It’s not normal

Hey @Captain24,

How are you feeling?

I am sorry to hear you are finding sleep hard, that's always such an overwhelming feeling, isn't it?

What do you think is making you feel overstimulated? Could it be your medication at all?

I can definitely hear that things are feeling big in the body - is there a safer way you could discharge some of this excess energy? 💛

Hey @AuntGlow

Im not feeling as sick at the moment and my headache has eased.

The start of my shift was absolutely horrible. I nearly called up and went home but there is way too many roo’s of a night. My head just wasn’t in it. I lost control of it. Meds and all. After we had dinner I felt a little better and the rest of the shift was sort of ok. The optional 2 hours of over time was ok. I joined in the chats in the two way. One of the guys invited me to join a few of the others for hot chocolate and donuts. I decided I should go as I always say no. The donuts were awesome! It was nice to be included. We didn’t stay very long but at least I went. That was massive for me.

I’m noticing a lot more now I know what I’m looking for. I now know what over stimulated looks like and we I feel what I feel I know what it is now. I don’t think that makes any sense. But being at work for so long around so many people, even though I’m in the truck in my own. I’ve been assigned all my meal breaks with others where previously I had some breaks on my own.

I notice when the meds are wearing off. There is such a difference between when they are active and when they aren’t. Which is also why I’m noticing more. I now know what ‘normal’ feels like.

There has been some big feels and yesterday afternoon and last night were really hard. I’ve been doing so well recently and I feel like I’m falling backwards and rapidly.

I’m feeling really scared about going to this meeting tonight. I only got 3 hours sleep today so I’m really tired. I have put off taking my adhd meds until now so that they will still hopefully be active while I’m there.

I’m really overwhelmed

I’ve showered and I’m getting ready to feed the dogs. I don’t know if I can go. Can I do this? Can I be in a room of strangers that seem to have a lot more confidence than me? Can I sit there and contribute or just be mute like last time?

Im so stressed that I feel as though I could just cry.

Hey @Captain24 !

All the best with it!

It is absolutely your choice whether you want to go or not.

I'm mindful you have been trying so many different things, and as we said, it is not about trying harder, but trying differently. And does this signify the 'different' thing you need to do as a way to move forward? Only you can answer this.

We're here for you with whatever you decide.

Hey @tyme !!

Ive missed you. I’ve been on nightshifts though. I’m off now until Monday.

I told the facilitator that I would go so I have to but I don’t want to.

I guess this is my differently. I’ve got to try as I’m struggling again and maybe this may help if I can cope with the weirdness of it all.

Im about to get dressed. I’m scared with what to wear. I don’t have the clothes that they wore. What if jeans and a shirt is too much? But that’s all I’ve got. I just don’t know. I feel so uncomfortable.

It starts at 6:30 so I should leave pretty soon but it goes to 8:30 and that’s a really long time to sit feeling so uncomfortably.

I’ve taken another stimulant to help me and help keep me awake a I haven’t had much sleep today. Stressing about tonight and I got home late.

Sorry just rambling with anxiety.

How are you going?