I can’t cope

Aww I missed you too @Captain24

I adore how many puppy pictures you have been posting!!

How have you been? Saw you went away too, how was your trip?

And diagnosed ADHD/Autism, am I seeing that too?

Been a big month for ya!!

Missed you so much @Jynx

Lots of puppy pics!

Ive been up and down but at least I'm having up days!

My trip away was good it was really good to see one of my friends. I only saw the other one so she wouldn’t get upset that I was down there and didn’t see her!

Up.. that’s my new diagnosis. I scored both. Still trying to come to terms with the autism one though. The meds for the adhd seem to have made a bit of difference. My mind was clearer today. Not as racy. But I didn’t sleep well last night so I don’t k or if it was them, perimenopause, mania starting or just a bad night.

How was your break? Did you get things done? Feel less burnt out?

Yippee for those up days @Captain24 that's awesome!! I can't wait for that balance to tip for you, and you start to see more up days than down days!! All in time 😁

Aww haha you're a good friend! Did you get to go to the beach?

I'm going for my 'tism diagnosis too. It sounds like it's been a little confronting for you; was it unexpected?

My break was ok, my grandma unfortunately passed just before my time off. A bit of a spanner in my decluttering plans (which did NOT go anywhere so... I am still exactly where I was a month ago ahaha... oh well). But the funeral was really moving, I cried lots at my mum's eulogy. And it was nice to see the family. Plus I managed to pull myself together for my night out on Friday - so good to have a solid boogie!

How are the pups?

I will get there eventually. I’m heading in the right direction though. Today was an up day and so was yesterday! @Jynx

I spent a day at the Kiama blow hole the big one and little one with the friend I went down to actually see. We just stood for hours talking and watching. Then we had lunch in the foreshore and sat with our backs to the markets. They all packed up and left and we didn’t even notice! It was an awesome day. The next day was raining so the friend that I didn’t want to feel bad about just sat at a coffee shop and did small talk..The morning I was leaving was a beautiful day and I had breakfast in the waterfront then sat on a step and watch the ocean for an hour and then had to get to my psych appointment.

You planted the seed that it was there but to actually hear it was different. I’m not sure how I feel about it. But it does explain so much like why I’m a bad person and can’t hold proper conversations. Why I’m not empathetic. It’s something I’ll have to discuss with my psych and come up with strategies to work with it better and become a better person.

Im sorry to hear about your grandma. That must have been hard. The eulogy must have been moving and at least you could cry and let it all out. How are you feeling now? It’s a sad way to see family.

The decluttering can wait. In my 3 weeks off I’ve done heaps around the house. I feel good about it.

Im glad you went out. It’s been a while for you. Any shenanigans to report? 😜

Jett has been sick and is on tablets. He had to have blood tests and 2 needles. (Expensive exercise) With the needles he screamed! So loud that it echoed in the room. I’m glad the was no one in the waiting room! But other than that they are doing really well. They have loved having me home but that’ll change on Wednesday.

How are your kitties?

@Captain24 aww sounds like a really lovely, soul-refreshing kinda holiday!! Love it!

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@Captain24 wrote:

You planted the seed that it was there but to actually hear it was different. I’m not sure how I feel about it. But it does explain so much like why I’m a bad person and can’t hold proper conversations. Why I’m not empathetic. It’s something I’ll have to discuss with my psych and come up with strategies to work with it better and become a better person.

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Waaaaait wait wait hold the PHONE - who has been telling you that autistic folks are bad people? Or that we lack empathy? Cos that is just stigma darlin, and it pains me that this is how you think of yourself and other autistic folk. It's okay though, all part of that acceptance and 're-lensing' process (aka re-examining your life through a new 'lens' of self-knowledge).

I think the whole myth about us 'lacking empathy' potentially comes from two factors - a) Autistic folks often express empathy differently (for example, it's more common for us to empathise by sharing a similar story to express 'hey I have felt that way before too and know how hard it is', which can be misinterpreted as an attempt to make it all about us); and b) in my experience autistic folk are often more empathetic and may need to withdraw because it can be too overwhelming for us to stay with the feelings.

Happy to ramble about ND stuff if you got questions or anything 😊

Noooo poor Jett!! I keep fingers crossed for a swift recovery 🤞

Kitties are gooooood hehe got this pic of Razz being a derp the other day!

I’m not saying everyone @Jynx. I just see those traits in me. I’m self centred. I can be empathetic at times but not usually when I’m suppose to be. I miss those cues. Like.. the girl I saw was talking about how she thought her cat was going to die and I then talked about my day from the day before. That wasn’t a nice thing to do or say. I miss a lot of social cues.

I do the ‘I know’ thing a lot and then feel bad. That’s me beating myself up for not being caring enough or listening enough.

I have lots of questions around strategies to make me a better person. Like how do I stop being me? How do I train my brain to be less me and more like others? But I guess that’s all for my psych who I only see 2 more times before she goes away for 8 weeks!

He’s doing heaps better today. Been chewing on bones and had a play with Keiko.

That’s cute!!

The treats are in the cupboard!

@Captain24 I am well known for my obliviousness. Missing social cues is like, a casual pastime of mine apparently 🤣

Definitely don't think that anyone on EARTH should have a therapy goal of 'stop being me'. Cos that's literally all anyone can be. Maybe a little shift in language? Liiiike 'How do I find the balance between being authentic and being able to fit in?'

Food for thought!

OMG look at that lil darlin!! Hehe do they break into the cupboard? I came out of my room to a tipped over treat bag this morning. I'm surprised it wasn't accompanied by some throw up from them gorging on the free treatos 😅

It’d be nice to have people in my life that understand. @Jynx. It’s just mostly work people I interact with and they just think I’m weird.

It’s like I now know I am weird (well different) I’m not normal. I knew I never was but now I know I want to change it to be normal and that’s what I’m hoping strategies will help with. To know how to act normal.

No the treats are all out of reach! If they were in reach she would just gorge herself.

Another thing I did while I’ve been off work is go to scenic world at Katoomba with mum. It was amazing and spending time with her was ok until the last 45 minutes of the drive home when she kept one upping me with my brother. He is back to being the golden child. Well I guess he always has been but he has called her twice in about 6 weeks so she is all happy with him.

You will. @Captain24 ☺️

I am looking forward to hearing more about it! Please let me know how it goes.

haha yes, I get that - gentle is a practice we hone over time.

What else do you have planned for this week? ✨

I go back to work on Wednesday @AuntGlow. It’ll be so hard to get up at 4:30 and be switch on until I get home at 8 that night!