I can’t cope

Today is just getting harder and harder. That spiral is happening. I can’t face it. The negative self talk. The self hatred.

I did manage to cook dinner so I guess that is something. It turned out okish not great though.

Im trying to watch tv and it’s not distracting me.

What'd you have for dinner?

I had pork schnitzel roll @Captain24

What are you watching?

I had fettuccine carbonara made from scratch @tyme

Im trying to watch neighbours but I keep getting dogs in my face! They won’t settle down.

LOL. No wonder you can't concentrate @Captain24 !

Jokes.

What's happening for you?

Now pixie is scratching me and carrying on wanting a treat. Shes not getting one! @tyme

I just woke up and wasn’t ok. It just felt like a hard day. Self hatred, noting to give, just a bad day. It’s all gone down hill from there.

It was lunchtime before I could talk myself into getting in the shower to wash my hair. I got my body and hair wet, put the shampoo in and then the water turned cold. I ran out of gas. So I had to through clothes on over my wet body and go out the front to change the gas bottles over, yes shampoo still in my hair. Then I had to get back in again. That didn’t help my day.

I went to the vet to get food for Jett and medication for Pix and they didn’t have it. I have to go back Wednesday. I did get a box of food for him to start tomorrow.

I went grocery shopping and the lady was rude.

Mum rang me and told me my cousin has uterine cancer. It’s early stage so she should be fine.

It just feels like one thing after another. It’s like nothing is going right. It feels like I just deserve it cause I’m not a good person and not worthy of good stuff.

Now Pix is really pisssing me off!!!

Poor Pix @Captain24 and poor you!

Just say tomorrow's a new day?

What's on the agenda tomorrow?

She is really stubborn and won’t give up big I’m not giving in! @tyme

Im going away for the day with mum tomorrow. Hopefully it goes ok as it’ll be all day. We are leaving at 7:30 and I want to be home by 5:30. Hopefully it’s enough time to do what she wants to do.

It is a new day but doesn’t alleviate the pain of right now.

Did you finish your post-it note?

Oh no! I forgot about the post-it note! I was starting and then I forgot! Thanks for the reminder! Now I'm cranky at myself for forgetting! Grrrr!

Sorry.. I'm so slow today. I've been doing some admin work.... geez. It makes it sound like I have a lot of admin work to do!

The 'admin' work refers to updating manuals, policies and procedures, looking at data etc... It's good stuff, but takes away from the forums, that's all.

I hope tomorrow goes well! It's a long day. Are the dogs going? @Captain24

That’s ok.. I’m good for something! @tyme. There’s always tomorrow.

I get that you have things on in the background. You can only do what you can do. There’s more going on for you than having to deal with me.

That sounds like so much. You do really well. Is it part of your role or do you choose to do it?

It’s a long day with mum. I might need support when I get home. But I guess that’ll be up to me as it’s not recovery focused. Hence you shifted away from today.

We are going to a national park so they are staying with dad. Plus they would be able to do what we are doing. I’ll tell you tomorrow night hopefully with photos if it’s not foggy.

My actual role title requires me to be pretty much off the forums except for high-level stuff. @Captain24 So really I'm pushing to stay on the forums, because I enjoy it, but I'm mindful that my role is actually off frontline. So yeah... I just balance the workload. Hence there are times I 'disappear' from the forums and it's because I'm working on member plans, policies, recruitment, incident reporting or general team leading business. I really enjoy it though.

Maybe you need to look into peer work too? I reckon you'd be great at it.

I really had to laugh out loud when I read about you needing support after being with your mum..

As soon as I read even a snippet of that, I nodded my head and said, "Yep! I would too if I was with my mum for that long!" God love em, but we need to step away after lol. That's why I don't live with them!