I can’t cope

Hey @tyme

Im so glad you feel accomplished. One post it is better than none.

You were in my head too. If I was being your buddy I need to be accountable for myself and I did my entire list! I need to be able to tell you that I had achieved too.

It’s really hard.. I’m really not ok. I hurt deep inside. So much pain.

I hear your pain @Captain24 . Allow yourself to feel that pain. Embrace it. Get to know it so that it has the permission to both come and go.

You are NOT wrong. You are not faulty.

You are feeling because you are human.

We're sitting with you.

I can’t believe I’m crying @tyme. Just tears not full on.

How do I embrace it?

We did the stage analogy today and the current spotlight is on the failure but I need to turn all the stage lights on and see the bigger picture.

To not be alone @AuntGlow

That's really wonderful awareness @Captain24. And here we are. ☺️

I agree with Tyme. Allowing yourself to feel this fully will also allow you to process what you are going through. This also supports integration, so these more vulnerable parts of you know they are allowed to exist and that they aren't wrong for feeling this way.

What else did you learn about the stage analogy? And what other lights could we turn on here?

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@Captain24 wrote:

I can’t believe I’m crying @tyme. Just tears not full on.

How do I embrace it?

We did the stage analogy today and the current spotlight is on the failure but I need to turn all the stage lights on and see the bigger picture.

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Interesting way of putting it.

It's like 'you can't see the forest for the trees' sorta situation?

Yes that exactly it. @tyme. My psych used that and said she is flying a drone over and can see the bigger picture.

The whole stage has overwhelm, exhaustion, fatigue, no motivation. @AuntGlow

All those are hurting me too right now.

Im feeling really alone and like I shouldn’t be alone

Did you read that my psych is going away for 8 weeks? She is going to work with me to find a fill in.

Erghhhh @Captain24

Have you watched the movie, Anywhere, everywhere, all at once? That's what this all feels like. Everything happening all at once.

When is your psych going away?

I'm hearing that there is therapeutic loss attached to this as it sounds like you're really only at the beginning of your work with her.

Thoughts?

I hear you feel alone. I hope we can brainstorm a way to fill that.

No I haven’t @tyme

Shes going in September so I only have probably 2 more appointments. Shes going to give me some names of psychs next week and if I choose someone she is going to give a full handover. I booked an appointment with my Pdoc so that I see her before my psych goes away.

Yeah there is a loss but she will be back. We have so much to work on and she keeps following through with things session to session depending on what’s going on.

‘Cara’ is coming back at times. The negative voices we did in chair work.

I have a lot of noise in my head. It’s not thoughts, there are no words to it. Just like my head is racing. It’s exhausting. It won’t stop. My body feels energised inside but noting in the outside.

How do I feel less alone?

Hey @Captain24 ,

As I read your posts, I think it's important to remember that your psych is a guide. She is a tool or a strategy, rather than a lifeline - even if it feels like it sometimes.

Remember have I'd shared that a kid once said to me, expect to be disappointed and you'll never be disappointed?

In a way, I have that with therapists. I remember that I will be disappointed at some point (they are late, they don't return a call, they go away), and therefore, when it happens, it has less impact on me. Eventually, I accept that it's part of life.

As for feeling less alone, it don't believe it's about who you have around you. From my experience, the feeling of loneliness comes from within. It's a frame of mind rather than a situation. Why I say this is because you have live in a house of people and still feel lonely. Or you can be on an island in exile and feel totally connected.

I've been in that stage of loneliess, and now it's gone the other way where I don't feel lonely at all.

What was the change? I believe it was an internal change. I change in how I percieved things. A change in how I processed things.

Sorry, not sure if this helps.

So jsut to get it right, you are on leave, then after 2 more appointments, your psych will be gone for 8, but will hopefully connect you with another. Then you will be back at work after 2 weeks?