I can’t cope

I've got so much leave. Remember I was saying that I had over 1000 hours? @Captain24

What will you do while you are on leave? Does the clinic have any day programs you can attend?

I'm glad you took the dogs for a walk today.

Um... camping? I think Oct sometime? It's been booked but I don't have the details.

Anyway, I'm going to be wrapping up now.

I hope to see you tomorrow - later in the evening

Take care!

I’m going away for a couple of days but that’s pretty much it. @tyme

Nah the day programs run over several weeks so I can’t go.

It doesn’t matter. I’ll just get stuff done around here.

See you tomorrow night

@Captain24 I don't think you need to change hun. It's more like... I hate to watch you struggle. I don't need you to change because of not accepting or valuing who you are. I don't need you to change at all, and if you never changed, it wouldn't make me any less interested in this connection. But if I can share lessons I've learned that may help you to build towards your ideal self, I will! I see a lot of my own struggles in your experiences too so if it feels like I am trying to push you to be someone else, it's not cos I don't like who you are - I do! Nah it's cos I want you to feel like I do, content in yourself.

Oh whaaaat I am missing your holidays? Well we shall be happy to know we are both having much needed respite time!! I'll think of you when I visit the beach, spot a rosella, see a funny chihuahua meme, or whenever I smash through some cleaning!

Nighty night, and fare thee well!

(っᵔ◡ᵔ)っ

I kinda felt that you weren’t happy with who I am now @Jynx

Have a fantastic break and I’ll see you the weekend after you get back cause I think I’ll be o nightshifts that weekend.

Enjoy and know you will be missed

I am sorry that my words left you questioning @Captain24 but I promise, I am incredibly fond of who you are. Maybe that's cos I can see past all the self-hate to the wonderful person underneath. All I want is for you to see that person too, and realise she's been there all along 💜

Okay going for realsies now!!

⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

It’s only day two of me trying a new routine and I’ve already failed. I’m so useless. So I’m beating myself up. I’m so tired. I’m exhausted. So what do I do.. go back to bed. I know it’s not healthy and not helpful but I’m just stupid and have nothing to give.

Hey @Captain24

It is so hard to change routines! Maybe today is just letting you know that you need a more gentle transition into this new routine.

How did your lego go yesterday? Were you able to make some time for it?

I feel like a failure with it only being the second day @Ru-bee. I thought I’d have longer before I wobbled. But I’m feeling really down on myself right now. Just like things are slowly getting darker.

I did have a late night as I sat up to see who one the gold Logie.

I wanted sushi for lunch but it’s too late now. They will be too busy. I’ll have to try for tomorrow.

I did do a set yesterday and got another one out ready to go. I feel like I need to do something off my list to allow me to do it. I was thinking of getting out the paint by numbers and ironing it ready to go and label the pots. I did have a look at it and I don’t have to mix any colours together so that’s a relief. Any that I’ve tried from Kmart and stuff years ago involved mixing colours and that stressed me out.

I feel like the first few days can be the hardest @Captain24 especially if it's quite a big change. Maybe the first day is a bit energising trying a new routine, but the following days can be really challenging. For me I've learnt to bring about any changes in small increments, otherwise I get really discouraged too and am way more likely to give up on the whole thing.

Are there any small tasks to tick off that you could get out of the way before the lego or paint by numbers?

I’ve packed the dishwasher and that’s it @Ru-bee. I don’t care to do anymore.

Do you think it would be ok to just write today off? I’m struggling with accepting that.

My new routine isn’t much. It’s get up, make my bed, have breakfast, feed the dogs and have a shower and get dressed. So I’m not really expecting much from myself.