I can’t cope

Last night was good @Captain24 . Just met a few mums and took my nibblings to their house to play. So they had a play and dinner there. Nothing big.

Yeah, with BPD, even particular words you use or an action, can trigger a dependency e.g. a hug, using the word, "dear" etc. But we are all different. It's just something to be mindful of if you 'feel' there is some codependency happening.

But for me, the people who 'survived' were the ones who could make those boundaries and stick to them. And having a team of people around to support can means not all the pressure is put on one person.

I just really hope things improve for you all. Sounds like a stressful time.

That sounds nice though. I hope you enjoyed yourself but I bet the kids had a ball @tyme

Your responses have been so helpful. It gives me so much more guidance. I think I’ll give it a few days and see how it goes. I don’t want to bombard her either. Mum did tell her that she can call me so I might leave the ball in her court for now.

I will talk to my brother though. So he has some support.

I hear your bro can be such a pain sometimes, but it's situations like this that really show how close you are as a family.

LOL... as a joke, don't forget to remind him he owes you car rego! LOL!

Is he a joker? I guess a few jokes here and there can lighten the load a bit.

Does your brother feel he wants to spent the rest of his life with her (please don't feel I'm saying they should split up)? I think it's just important that working with someone with BPD (and other conditions) is lifelong. This is a taster.

And don't get me wrong, borderlines can be one of the most compassionate, caring, and amazing people to be with!

Do you think your brother would want to spend some time with you? Or does he have to stay with his partner?

Also, I've gotta dash, but I'm on tomorrow! I think it's the first Sunday I've worked for a while now. I'll be free after 6 sometime. I think I have to take a training session tomorrow. @Captain24

I'll see you tomorrow if you are free.

I don’t know how he feels but he is wanting to help her so I guess that’s something. He is a bit of a sweetheart and dotes on his girlfriends. This is actually only the second girlfriend he has introduced her to us @tyme

He won’t take that as a joke.. he doesn’t really joke when it’s about him only when it’s about me.

He is not coming here. I don’t want him here. Plus he needs to work. I’ll help him but not at the detriment to myself! I come first!

I’ll be around. I’m off work for a month now so I’ll be around a lot. Just have to work my days so I don’t end up really badly depressed and so I can use this time to help myself

Hiya @Captain24 yay for sleepies!

Oh whaaat, must have been the predecessor to Cheez TV!! Used to watch Saillor Moon, Dragon Ball Z, Batman, TMNT and all sorts!

How's ya day?

Heya @Jynx

Yeah.. that was after my time. I never really got into that sort of stuff but I was a teenager by then.

My days been ok. I went grocery shopping and did a little bit of cleaning but it’s really cold here today and windy, the wind feels like it’s coming off snow. so I’m miserable. I hate the cold. I really just don’t function well.

How’s your day been? How’s sorting the room going or have you given up on that.

@Captain24 yeah I've been cuddling my hot water bottle to try to save on heating 🫣

Did you watch the Simpsons reruns? Used to watch that every night at 6pm, some of the lines are burned into my brain 😂

Not given up lol just not had the capacity/motivation for it. But I did some pottering last night, dusted some shelves and rearranged some stuff (in my bedroom, not the clutterroom lol it effectively doesn't exist except as a liminal hallway space rn 😅), does that count?

Hot choccie/hot milo time maybe? Brrrr!

I’ve spent a bit of time in bed as it’s warm. Probably shouldn’t have slept so much but it was warm @Jynx. I have a 3 kg heat pad on my lap but he keeps moving around!

I watched the Simpsons as they came out. It was all very intriguing when the were releasing it. All you had was what was in magazines like TV Hits and Smash Hits. Obviously no internet! The slogan was ‘Who the hell is Bart Simpson?’ Lots of kids weren’t allowed to watch it when parents realised how bad it was but everyone would tell each other at school.

Im thinking of peeling veggies for dinner and hoping dinner warms me up a little.

Im just so tired. Exhausted even.

Of course that counts. I can’t remember the last time I actually dusted! So to me that’s a huge win! How’s your kitchen going?

I’ve let one of my rooms turn to shit again but maybe I’ll clean it up while I’m off work. I have a few things that have to be done so I’m writing a list. Plus I’m trying to set myself up into a daily morning routine. I need to use this time for good not let the world swallow me up.

@Captain24 sounds like very restorative rest to me!! I am glad you were cosy enough to get in those extra snoozles. Fighting the daily MH battle takes it out of us!

Rewatching as an adult is actually so fun as well - sooooo many jokes that went over my head as a kid!

Mm food is good for the soul! I got hash browns and bacon and eggs....you know, classic winter warmer food 😝 not! But tasty.

Kitchen is... look, it functions, ok? 🤣 I mainly did my bedroom last night, but I smashed a couple dishes before I started today.

Ooh tell me about your morning routine!

It is hard work @Jynx and I push myself so hard. I make myself do chores even when I’m struggling and I make myself go to work. I work 62 1/2 hours in 5 days. It’s not easy to do. I think people think that I’m ok cause I can do it. I do feel judged on here a little bit that I’m not as bad as them because I do this stuff.

I do like the simpsons, it’s definitely for all ages! I haven’t watched it in a while though. Maybe that’s something I can do when I need some help.

Im having baked veggies with a butter chicken parcel that I got from the butcher shop. It’s wrapped in puff pastry. Plus some steam fresh veggies. Trying to eat properly and ignore that really loud voice that’s making it really hard for me at the moment.

Some dishes is better than none! Good on you for doing your room though. I like when I do my room it feels more peaceful than having stuff cluttered everywhere.

It’s not much but I want to get up and get in the shower and clean my teeth. (I haven’t showered since Thursday morning or cleaned my teeth since Thursday night) Then get dressed, make my bed, feed the dogs and have breakfast. I also want to have a hot lemon and honey drink of a morning so I’ll make it before I go to bed in one of those thermal bottles and it’ll be at a drinkable temperature! Also clean the kitchen benches and ensuite. That way I have achieved something for the day.

Then of a night I want to have dinner, go and have a shower, brush my teeth and get into my pj’s to settle for the night.

At hospital, one weekends they do a staying well program for when leaving. One of the things they suggest is ACE Achievement, Connection and Enjoyment. I think that’s where needing to earn rest or fun stuff comes from. But that’s what I’m working on.