I can’t cope

Hey @Captain24 ,

Please don't feel I 'don't like hearing big feelings'. I totally recognise that's part of life and trust me, I've lived through YEARS of these big feels. I guess it more about if we share, then how to we turn the convo to be more oriented towards our recovery. So please don't feel you need to be sorry for sharing! I'm totally mindful that these big feels pop up. I have big feels too, and I also share these on the forums.

As for the sores, do you need to see a doc? I hope you don't have an infection! Sounds very ouchy! Please take care.

And my own bed??? YES! But guess what? I've had the worst sleep the last 2 nights lol. I'm not going to tell my niece in case she thinks it's because she's not here. I reckon it's more because I drank coke in the late evening on Monday... then Tuesday, who knows?

Don't know what's going on with my eldest at the moment. She's been soooo good. She's been cleaning, doing the dishes, listening, re-organising the drawers and cleaning them and doing everything well! I ended up giving her $2 (my sister had already given her $5). Hope this lasts!

Today, I had two LONG meetings. They went well, but they were long. Then I played some games with my nephew and the little one, and then I hopped on here. So I haven't done much.

What did you get up to?

Why does your heart hurt tonight? 💛

I’m sorry @tyme. I’ve been really working hard on my recovery but tonight it’s just too hard. It’s all too hard. I do feel like sometimes you don’t like hearing them from me.

I’ve been putting some cream on them. I’m too embarrassed to show anyone. It’s where my fat rolls are and where my bra sits. I’m even embarrassed to write that. Hence the trigger

Thats funny! I sleep so much better without the dogs but I miss them when they are not on there with me! I had to get into bed the other day from the wrong side because Pix had climbed up the stairs and was lying spread out on her back on my side! It felt really wrong being in the wrong side. She did jump off during the night and then I could lay where I wanted to.

It must be nice to see. I hope it does last for you. Does she do it if she wants something? Or it’s just what she is like at the moment?

Long would be so hard to stay focused!

Hows your nephew doing?

I couldn’t get much sleep when I got home. Then I just lazed around until it was time to take dad out to pick up his car. Then we stood there and chatted to my cousin for nearly an hour. Then I came home and sat in the lounge. That’s all I’ve done so nothing really either

Thoughts @AuntGlow

Nah, of course I always want to hear from you. It's always on my list each time.. but as you know, my brain is a bit scattered. I jump here, there and everywhere! @Captain24 So my apologies if it ever comes across that I don't want to hear or respond.

And the sores sound so ewww! I've got goosebumps because it reminds me of my shingles! The puss filled sores all around the bra area! I shiver when I think back to the shingles... they were so bad. So yeah, i totally get when you have sores there - it's just so inconvenient!

I totally can't say I miss having my niece sleeping with me. I hate it when she's with me, but I feel sorry for her and I can't say no - so it's my fault. In a way, I feel that there will come a time when we won't be close anymore (as we've mentioned in the past), so I may as wel suck it up!

I laughed about you having to get on the bed from the wrong side. All the things we do for our babies! And for Pix to even use the stairs now??? Is that once in a while or does she use them a lot more now? Also, how's Jett's throat?

As for my niece and her 'good' behaviour, I don't think she started it because she wanted anything. She just did it. And I was so shocked so then I said I'd give her money. My sister has started a new natural therapy for her which my niece takes every day. My sister spent a lot of money on the meds because she doesn't like medication and prefers the 'natural' stuff. So it MAY have something to do with it? But I also think she's continuing to be 'good' because we are acknowleding it and giving her so much attention.

Who knows? I just hope it lasts.

That was a big long chat with your cousin.. I'm assuming it was outdoors? Must've been cold!

What are you doing tomorrow? Any treats for yourself?

I hear you @Captain24,

I'm glad to see you sharing this in more detail with @tyme.

Recovery is nuanced. You can share what you're feeling, feel it fully, and also notice the things that do feel okay/are working. It's all allowed.

Speaking of, is there one thing today that helped you to feel okay?

Thanks @tyme. I get it. I don’t always feel it just sometimes.

I won’t wear a bra for the next few days and hopefully they start healing. I’m so ashamed.

Im sure you don’t miss her! I’d be glad when she was in her own bed too. I hate sharing with people. At least I dont have to worry about that anymore and probably never will.

She uses them all the time. Her new favourite place to lay is on my bed. I’ve just ordered some for the lounge room so she can get in the lounge when she wants. That could be a bad decision on my part! 😜

Jett hasn’t had any issues while I e had him. I don’t know about when mum has him. Dad was shaking him on Monday around the throat. I asked him to do it from the back to watch his throat. Hopefully he will listen. I need to look after it as long as possible.

It would be great if it’s the medication working that way she may be more stable. But if it’s for attention give her all the attention she wants. I hope it’s a new way of life for you all. Oh and money always helps!

Nah.. she owns the mechanics we went to. Thats where I’m taking my car to get the bash plates fixed.

I have a dietitian appointment at 10 and other than that I have no plans. I’d really like to take the dogs for a walk but I don’t know if I can do it. I think I might try and catch up on some sleep though.

What about you?

Not really @AuntGlow

I guess the only thing was that underneath my car hasn’t been damaged. Other than that there hasn’t been anything. It hasn’t been a good day.

Hey @Captain24 ,

Let's see how the stairs for Pix goes! If you are able, can you send a photo of what it looks like? I just can't picture how the steps go to the bed etc. I think last time, you showed me a pic of the stairs themselves. I just don't 'get' how you can use them for beds and lounges etc. I've seen the one-step ones for cars for dogs, but not as high as a bed!

I just wanted to check your posts because I clock off.

Tomorrow...umm.. I've got

1) Lotsa paper work to do in the morning. I've putting a spreadsheet together to collect information.

2) General admin work I need to finish

3) maybe a meeting

4) hang with the kids

5) chill on the forums

I'll see you tomorrow evening then? I'll be on after 6pm. Good night 🙂

Also, all the best with your appointment tomorrow.

T/W ED

After my dietitian appointment I feel validated. I feel that she heard that the voice is so strong. But I’m not sure it’s a good thing. Validating that voice makes it real. Makes me know it’s there. Makes me know that I can hear it. Makes me want to listen to it more. She said that I need to increase my fluid intake. But that will increase my numbers. I can’t deal with that. I’m not coping now with the fact that I’m trying to eat properly and things aren’t changing. I think I’m starting to lose control of it. I feel like it’s starting to take over. I’m not sure my self talk can beat it anymore.