I can’t cope

Nah.. we haven’t had much time @tyme. I can’t believe you have reread through my journey. That means a lot. Maybe even a little tear in my eye… 💧 We have been through a lot together.

Oh that makes things busy for you. You haven't really talked much about the kids.. I hope she doesn’t have Covid. I guess it’s a good excuse for her to sleep in her own bed!

Oh.. can I come?? I would love to see it. ‘It’s a hard knock life for us’ I bet they are excited. I did look at going when it was in Sydney but I don’t feel comfortable walking around in my own.

Pix will bite you if you go to put one in her but she doesn’t really get cold much anyway. Jett is so good he comes over and just lets you put it in him. I do have the heater going but sometimes when it gets so cold it’s hard to keep the place warm. Remembering how cold it gets here!

@Captain24 maybe you're just not used to my new hours yet? I'm here less, so maybe that's why you feel a distance? Cos it's certainly not intentional.

You've been really supportive and stuff and I appreciate that but less chatty. Maybe that’s my fault cause I’ve been such a loser @Jynx

Yes I did actually. I stayed up to 2am last night looking at all the posts since Nov last year @Captain24 I was then scanning through some of the even earlier ones too. I saw the photos of when you first got Jett, when he had surgery, when it was Pix and Jett's bdays... it was cute.

I just read your post to Jynx, "I'm such a loser"... i think this is where the work is. The more you tell yourself that, the more your brain will tell you it is true. I wonder if the work is, "I FEEL like I'm a loser, but it doesn't mean I am"?

As you practice reframing, you are re-training your brain.

I am proud of your journey to be honest. All those ups and downs seem to have given you so much more insight and relevation about who you are, what you want in life and what is stopping you getting there.

I trust you wil be able to be the person you want.

I also remember reading about when your bestie first came to live near you and that you were concerned that you needed boundaries.

And yes, you can come to watch Annie lol! In a way, it reminds me of the story, Heidi... even through such a Hard Knock life, they just remained to positive 🙂

Wow.. you really did go through it. @tyme. All those little milestones in my life. I can’t believe you sat up that late just reading about me.

I have come a long way. I can see where I want to get to just not sure if I can thought. But yes.. I have a lot more understanding of myself and a lot more to work with. Different aspects of my life to focus on. Different ways of moving forward. Different ways of doing things. Lots. I have learnt a lot.

Im really negative and down on myself right now. As soon as I reread what you wrote I heard my psych in the back of my head ‘do you want to reframe that!’ Then ‘feelings aren’t facts!’ While I’ve come a long way, reframing still needs a lot of work! Right now I’m struggling with it but when I’m talking to my psych I stop mid sentence and try to reframe it. Or take the word ‘should’ out of my sentence. I need to hear her voice more often.

Thanks for being proud. You have helped a lot in my journey. More than I think you will ever realise. I really appreciate all that you have done and continue to do. Your words are often in the back of my mind too.

Thanks. I’ll meet you there! 😂

I never thought of it like that. Some people are like that though. Remain positive through all the hardships. You kinda remind me of that. You’re so positive now after everything you have been through.

This sounds like a break up chat. Are you leaving?

@Captain24 do you really believe that? Orrrrr could there be other factors at play?

I'm all for reassuring you hun tho this one has caught me a little off-guard!! I promise whatever you've noticed has been unintentional and definitely more about me being busy and chaotic than anything to do with you!

You also know that I always reply - eventually haha. Anything in particular that you wanna talk about?

Huh???? @Captain24 ! NO!!! I'm not leaving!

I'm going to be around more lol. Just at all weird and odd times.

No, it's not a break up chat, but I gather that that is what our brains can jump to sometimes. I know that brain, and that's why I see a lot of what you are experiencing as part of my former self.

If I didn't go through what I have, I wouldn't be able to understand what you may be going through right now. And in a way, I feel that will be for you too. In the future, you may come across people who you will then have to support and you can only do that if you've been on a journey yourself.

But yes, I re-read all those posts, and smiled a lot 🙂

Although, I have to forwarn that Annie and Heidi are positive, but they also acknowledge the challenges and balance things out. The worst thing is when you are around TOXIC POSITIVITY! It's such a killer! It's like they tell you everything good about yourself when you just want to hear the damn truth that what I did was stupid and I was an idiot.

So no, don't swing the pendulum to toxic positivity!

It's important to have that balance. To recognise areas for improvement, but to also be able to reframe statements such as 'I'm stupid', 'There's no hope" etc.

Oh.. that’s good @tyme. Would love to see you around more. I must say I’m a little relieved.

I always feel like people leave me and I was just feeling like that. I have trouble with understanding why people would stay. I’m glad you can see why my brain leads me the wrong way.

While I’m not happy that you had to go through what you want through, it’s good to have someone in my corner that understands. I’m hoping one day I’ll be able to help but my focus is on me.

Im glad you could see so much.

I need to be careful of toxic positivity. I do cross the line and I don’t know that I’m doing it. My old CM use to be like it at times. She wouldn’t listen just kept telling me ‘it’s ok, you have…or you are..’

Im my own worst enemy. I expect too much and see it as black and white. Either positive or negative. There is no middle ground

Sorry @Jynx. I thought I responded.

Yeah it does feel like it but then it’s probably just me.

I hope I didn’t upset you. I should have just kept it to myself.

I’ll be off soon anyway.

Maybe tomorrow?

I think trauma can cause our brains to flip from black to white. My psych used to do a lot of work with me to see the 'grey'.

For example, I was never allowed to use the word "but", and had to use "AND" as a way to re teaching my brain that both things can sit together concurrently, and it doesn't have to be one or the other.

Our brains are interesting things @Captain24