I can’t cope

Yeah.. hit me with it. I feel like I’ve been failing it of late. I’m going around in the same loop and I think I’m doing the wrong thing. It’s just that life is extremely hard right now. @Jynx

I have an image of you and the sunshine! I’ve decided to start taking a multivitamin to see if that helps with mood and wellbeing. I forgot to check if it has vitamin d though.

No worries @Captain24

So the post you seemed worried about, I just wanted to point out that this bit -

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@Captain24 wrote:

Now to breathe my way through the extreme anxiety. My heart is racing so hard it feels like is going to pound out of my chest. I’m shaking. I’m sweating. My head is pounding.

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This is recovery focused. Yes, you are talking about how difficult everything is, yes you are telling us that you're not feeling okay. But you're also saying how you're trying to manage it - breathing your way through.

If it was like this instead -

Sitting with all this extreme anxiety. My heart is racing so hard it feels like is going to pound out of my chest. I’m shaking. I’m sweating. My head is pounding. I just don't have it in me to keep going.

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Then it would potentially flag mod attention. It's the vagueness, and the fact that I don't know if you're gonna make it through the day or not based just on that alone. The last sentence would make me worry for safety, and could be concerning for other members to read as well.

Does this help? Fire away with any questions you got!!

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@Captain24 wrote:

I have an image of you and the sunshine! I’ve decided to start taking a multivitamin to see if that helps with mood and wellbeing. I forgot to check if it has vitamin d though.

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Ooooh yes double check!! @Captain24 I take most of my vitamins in gummy form nowadays hehehe

So I am doing it all wrong. @Jynx. I’ve been saying lots of wrong stuff lately then. I’ll try and do better but it’s been hard and if I stuff up it’s not intentional. It’s that I’m stuck in that moment.

These are tablets. Just another one to ad to the 10 I already take at night

@Captain24 no? Not sure what gave you that impression. The two examples I used - YOU WROTE the recovery focused one, and the other one I edited. So... you're actually doing it right hun!!

It feels like maybe your brain has this idea that just generally expressing negative emotional experiences is not recovery-focused...

And yeah, it is hard!! I can see how much you're trying hun. We know it's not intentional too, and that you're working against a lifetime of traumatic narratives. Always happy to be patient with your process! Besides, we know for a fact it is harder to learn and take in new info when we're stuck in trauma-mode, so especially in those moments where your distress levels are higher, no one can blame you for not being able to 'get it' right away!!

Ugh mood lol. You got one of those mega-fancy pill organisers? I got a crappy one and regret everything about my decision 😅

Yeah. I get I actually got that one right but my others haven’t been so good. @Jynx. I need to fix this extreme SI and maybe I’ll start to do better. Or if I can managed a day without bed! I’m back in it now but it’s my safe place and I need it. It’s where I need to be right now

Mines just from the chemist. I need the organic user though as it’s just too hard to get them right every single night! Especially when one is changing. I’m not changing it this week though so it’ll be three weeks without decreasing it but I need a break. Hopefully if I can manage to eat better it’ll help. I do have that goal for this week but we will see how it goes. I can only try.

@Captain24 or, 'even though others haven't been so good, I did get that one right!'

You are allowed, nay, encouraged, to celebrate your success hun! Kudos on the improvements you've already made 😊

Mmm yes bed is good for that. I literally just said this to Bow so I'll repeat it here -

Sometimes bed is the safest place to be hun. Warm, blankies, soft and dark, it's one of my fav spots to hide away from the world. Maybe that's all today needs to be for ya, a little hide away day 💜

We can only try!! And if we mess up, it's another way we can learn to do differently next time! 😁

Hahaha… I see the rephrasing happening here! @Jynx. My psych would have done the exact same thing.

I need the place of comfort. It also helps keep me safe. But it is ridiculous how much time I’m needing in here.

It is warm and snuggly and I have an awesome mattress so it’s heaps comfy. Plus my dogs are asleep with me. I don’t have to feel guilt for leaving them.

All I can say is at least I’m willing to try and help myself. Even though right now it’s tough to see the next hour.

@Captain24 you got me!! Haha but hey, your psych and I both just want you to feel better about yourself on the regular. I totally get that sometimes, as in sometimes when someone has reframed something for me in the past, I can feel... a bit sheepish I guess? So don't stress if you are too. I also found that, as cringe-worthy as it can feel, repeating the reframe aloud helps to solidify that new/different way of thinking in a bit further 😊

Aww that sounds sooooo cosy!! I mean also it's winter so I think we are allowed to have SOME sleepy hibernating bear vibes, right?

Ach, so proud of you hun. Still in power-down mode? When will you need to rouse yourself for dinner?

I’m getting better at hearing (or reading) the reframes now! @Jynx I’m just not better at doing them.. I guess one day I’ll learn.

I forgot that you haven’t been around. Let me update you a little.

I had a really really tough psych appointment. We did chair work and my punitive voice had to tell me what it thought about me. It was really nasty and hurtful. (Yes I believe it) We have named the voice Carra and I have to tell her to F off when she starts up.

At the end of the session she did that stupid depression score thing. You know the one where you answer never, sometimes, often, almost always. That in its self is a trigger. I have basically been in bed ever since. On Wednesday night I HAD to reach out to a helpline. I was in extreme crisis. I then had to ring them back 2 hours later. You know how much I’ll resist it so I was in a really bad way. especially to have to call twice. So I have spent all week in bed.

So last night when I said I had to go to bed as I wasn’t safe I actually meant it.

Yeah I’m still a little wired but not as much. But my anxiety is in the rise cause dinner is in an hour