I can’t cope

I’ve been trying box breathing. It’s slowing down. @tyme

It’s so hard. I feel so broken. I’m not sure I’ll ever be whole again. I hurt. I hurt so much.

Im hoping to nod off to sleep soon.

I'm hearing that you are hurting so much. @Captain24 . I'm glad the box breathing is helping somewhat. I wonder if you can just keep focusing on that.

Also, remember, you need to be well for your next admission so you can work on the therapeutic work. Could you use that as a goal? Rather than going in for crisis intervention, I hope it will be a chance to work on other things.

Hold on there @Captain24 . I hear it is hard. I hear there are big feelings. We are sitting with you.

So I tried. I tried so hard to help myself. I got up at 8 this morning. I stood in the sun. I had breakfast. I managed to do a couple of things. I really tried. Now where am I? Back in bed. But I tried so hard. Why did I fail once again? Am I doing this to myself? It’s my fault that I can’t function. I tried so hard.

Hey @Captain24 I'm here with you

I'm really proud of you for taking those steps this morning! Getting back into bed does not negate the positive things that you did do for yourself!

You've even been inspiring me to do some more positive things in my morning: this morning I went to take the bins out and I saw the sun, thought of you, and made myself stay out and stand in the sun for a few minutes

I’m glad you spent a little bit of time in the sun. @Ru-bee. I hope it helped you.

I have to feed the dogs so I have to get up. I’m going to try again to get some stuff done. Clean the ensuite, clean the kitchen and clean the back veranda. That’s a bit of work but I just have to try and push through and try and ignore those voices in my head. Those voices telling me what I should do.

Would it help to have me or @rav3n as accountability buddies today @Captain24?

I know that was helpful yesterday when you were tackling the pantry

I know those voices can be hard to ignore, but please let us know if they're becoming too much today so we can talk about steps to try to keep you safe from these thoughts

hiii @Captain24 i'm here for you, would be more than happy to keep "watch" if you'd like 💗

I’ve put some music on to try and quieten those voices. It’s hard cause noise irritates me!! It’s a no win situation! 😜 @rav3n @Ru-bee

Yes accountability buddies would be great please. I seem to get more done when I ‘have’ to.

@Captain24 ahh that's toughhhh! have you tried listening to solfeggio frequencies before? it's supposed to help 'quieten the brain' and make it hard for thoughts to flow through... not sure if it works but i tried it once while my thoughts were okay, and it felt calming.. not sure how it works when thoughts are intense but thought i'd share if you ever wanted to give it a go!

yes ofc! so is this the list for today?

- feed the dogs

- clean the ensuite

- clean the kitchen

- clean the back veranda

what are you starting with?

I just download some of that to see if it works @rav3n. It’s playing on my tv now. I’ll try anything. The thoughts are so loud and relentless and getting louder.

Feed the dogs ✅
Now the ensuite.

Thank you for helping me out. I really appreciate the support.