I can’t cope

Oh, and getting takeway? It's not ubereats or anything, right? I vaguely remember you saying you don't have food delievery services in your area @Captain24

How sweet that she was going to order it for you.

She has always been stubborn. @tyme Even as a puppy. She certainly has her own mind!

I was after some tips if you had any but I guess not 😜

I think I’ve been doing it for a long time it’s just come to a head now with so much going on. Like.. I don’t remember running off the road. But as my psych is asking more questions around it it seems to be happening a lot. It did happen to me while I was in hospital but I didn’t know what it was, it happened the time before too.

I do that too. I actually said to my psych yesterday that I need to find better words. She laughed and said they she did too. Maybe it’s an ADHD thing. I tune out a lot. Sometimes I have no idea what people have said. I use a squishy when I have Telehealth appointments to try and maintain focus!

We have Uber eats now. But mum is just getting it. I didn’t expect her to as they paid for dinner last night. She wanted to give me a treat for my birthday.

Awww @Captain24 . That's so sweet of your mum. Another big birthday already! How exciting for you... but you're working on your bday?

Lol, that's funny you have ubereats now. I didn't even think twice that a place may not have ubereats... I'm too privileged..

And yes, dissociation sounds scary and dangerous too. But I have to say, it has it place. When people experience intense mental pain, dissociation is a way of coping. I hope this is something you can work on with your psych - please don't beat yourself up over it. You are managing and coping as much as you can.

Yeah I have to work. @tyme. I don’t want to but that is life.

There is only about 5 places that are in it. It started 2 weeks ago! As far as I know there is only one driver.

I get it’s a way of coping through turmoil. But it is scaring me quite a bit. I even have to rehash our last appointment to make sure I was present! She is pretty awesome. I couldn’t ask for a better psych. She watched the wave come over me yesterday so she has now seen how quick it can happen.

I just seen the time.

Have a good night and maybe we can catch up Sunday night?

I’m home from work. I’m really tired and I'm not feeling great. I feel pretty low tonight. I lost half the day today. But at least I drove home safely.

Dissociation is a way of coping @Captain24 . It has it's place when things are tough. But I can hear why your psych is concerned in terms of your safety.

I'm glad to hear you have made it home safe.

What are you up to now?

I’m scaring her @tyme. The dissociation is scaring me. I feel really defeated, sad and despair. It’s mood not withdrawal, it feels different but I’m not ok.

I’m just sitting on the lounge watching MasterChef. Pix is asking for a treat. I’m not sure what to give her that won’t cause her to have runny bums. She’s on mums watch tomorrow. Jett is sitting on my shoulder.

Is it possibel to have an earlier admission into hospital @Captain24 ? Is the dossociation bipolar related?

No, I don’t have enough leave until then. I’m already taking 3 days sick leave in there too. @tyme I just have to work really hard. Tonight I don’t have it in me though.

I don’t know if it’s bipolar related or not but it’s a lot to take on board.

How did your niece go with you being away? Did you get to do sightseeing?

If you feel like you really can't keep well, PLEASE contact 000. @Captain24

In New York, I went to the 9/11 memorial museum. I was there for hours. It was incredible to see the whole thing from beginning to end. I remember that day sooo clearly. As a kid, I didn't understand the impact of 9/11, but later, I did.

I also saw Statue of Liberty. I went to Times Square. I got the kid's photo printed on a container of m&m's for them.

I saw Brooklyn bridge.

I'm not really one to go sight seeing much... so it doesn't really phase me.

My neice? She kept tracking me on her ipad. She knew exaclty where I was because of Find My on iphones. We were in contact the whole time, even when I was on the plane. The plane allows imessaging. So she sorta went on the trip with me lol. She even knew when I was flying over Fiji!

And she called everyday. I took her for a walk aroudn Florida lol. Took her to the beach too.

I've been so comfy sleeping in my own bed that I got so annoyed with her that she slept with me this weekend. I told her not to come over again.. but she still ended up in my bed.

She's not here tonight though. She's at her place because of school... so at least she's not with me every night.

With Pix, maybe she's just got a sensitve stomach and can't eat much? We are so so careful with Ruby because she has a sensitve stomach.