I can’t cope

I got through my psych appointment @Ru-bee. She actually saw the wave run through me that I’ve had enough of life. She stopped the conversation and asked what just happened in that moment. We worked out a plan until I have my next appointment but I’m not sure I can stick to it. That makes me a failure.

She decided that I’m not to reduce my meds this week. Leave them at this weeks dose so I can have a break.

I don’t want to do my next appointment. I’m not eating and she is going to tell me I have to. She is going to try and make me agree with things that I just don’t want to do. Im hoping she listens.

Im in a bit of trouble right now.

I can try bribing myself @NightFury but I think I’m too far past that. I have stuff that I need to be doing but I just don’t have it in me.

Right now I’m barely able to breathe

I'm proud of you for getting through that appointment and for being open and honest with your psych @Captain24 it sounds like she's really attuned to you and is a good support.

Hoping that you feel heard in your next appointment.

Until then, it's okay if you just need to focus on the next breath

She is fabulous @Ru-bee

The wave is getting worse and fast. I need to learn to just ride it out. It all sounds too hard right now. life’s too hard.

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Maybe it's okay to let yourself curl up and cry for a bit @Captain24 is that something that you can let yourself do?

Well surprise surprise she told me a had to eat @Ru-bee. She was really understanding when I told her how bad things are mentally. She also gets that it’s different to my ED.

It was actually good to talk to someone though. She’s a good listener.

Now to survive the next 2 hours until dinner that I don’t want to go to.

No… I won’t let myself cry. It’s a hard thing for me to do. I always got in trouble for crying even when my nan died a couple of years ago.

Hi @Captain24 , I've just read your post and I will respond in more depth later.

I am doing some training with @Tolly who you may start seeing around the forums once in a while.

Speak soon.

Thanks @tyme

I'm so glad she has as able to hear you @Captain24 so it sounds like 2 constructive appointments today, that's gotta be a win hey?

Sending you strength for tonight, but also some softness because there's strength in that (and crying).

Yeah I’m pretty lucky @Ru-bee. Both have been supportive.

Im going to need a lot of strength to mask it for 2 whole hours. Thats if I can get out after the 2 hours. At least for my appointments I could just be real.

Crying brings a lot of shame. I did cry a few weeks back but it last for an hour and a half. I don’t want to do that again.