I can’t cope

I’ve locked all the extra packets away @Ru-bee. I just did it then.

There’s still so much taunting me though.

It’s a lot to sit with.

I have a little bit of control at the moment.

Good on you @Captain24 It is a lot to sit with but you're not sitting alone, I'm here with you

Do you have anything kind that you can do for yourself tonight? Maybe something soothing, or fun, or even just restful?

Hey @Captain24 sorry to hear last night ended up so rough for ya darlin.

What are ya doing with the control you reckon? Any unmet needs? Things you can change about your environment to make it feel calmer and safer? Some self-care activities or self-soothing tools?

Here to help how I can 😉

I don’t deserve anything kind @Ru-bee. @Jynx As my old psych would say ‘I’m being stupid and selfish’

I do have to cook dinner though and feed the dogs. They didn’t get lunch. I’m a bad horrible mum. I’m a useless waste of time and energy.

Maybe just give up on me. I understand why you would want to

My pets don't even get a lunch @Captain24 just lunch and dinner and half the time they choose not to eat one!

I'd never call you stupid and selfish and it makes me sad that you've had someone say that to you who was meant to be supporting you.

I'm finishing up really soon, but I'll check in with you tomorrow okay? None of us are giving up on you! You're stuck with us!

Mine eat 3 times a day @Ru-bee.

It has stuck with me. It’s always there but times like today it comes right out the front. It makes me feel even worse for thinking my thoughts.

Thanks for not giving up on me. I have.

Have a good night

@Captain24 and we know you should definitely listen to your old psych, who was very good for your mental health and didn't scar you with awful invalidating words when you were at your most vulnerable at all.

Ach, sounds like a rough spot to be in hun. Don't worry your dogs will forgive you - my cats always do when I am late w their dinner!

What's on for dins tonight? For you I mean, not your doggos! Hehe

I know @Jynx but it’s hard to unhear. It’s stuck with me especially at my most vulnerable moments.

They are their dinner. I put sausage in it to make up for missing lunch.

Im cooking more curried snags so I have more than enough for my nightshifts. It’s hard work cause I just don’t want to do anything at all.

I have nothing to give and I don’t want to give anything. I don’t want to be me. I don’t want to stay.

Please tell me if you’ve had enough of me. I really would understand

@Captain24 I know you know hun, just a gentle attempt at a humorous reminder 💜

Aww see? BEST mum! I don't even do that! Been thinking of treating em to some fresh cooked chicken tho so I should totally do that.

Do they come curried, or do you curry them?

Aww hun, is there actually a part of you that believes that I would ever respond to that with 'Yep, had enough, bye.'..? Cos uhhh IMPOSSIBLE!!

I know you were being funny @Jynx Sorry I didn’t react properly.

I just gave them a treat. It’ll keep them busy for a while and stop annoying me. Fresh chicken sounds good. Pix loves it but her tummy doesn’t!

I got a packet of keens curried sausage sauce and just put it in the cooked sausages. Nothing to hard. I don’t cook.

Yeah there is @Jynx. I know you wouldn’t but I feel like you would. I don’t think that has come out right. Don’t take it personally it’s just my fucked up head and where my thoughts are. Why would anyone bother with me? Why would anyone waste their time on me? I don’t deserve it. I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy. I’m just a waste of oxygen. I just don’t want to be here. I desperately want it all to end.

Sorry that’s a lot.