I can’t cope

hi @Captain24 i'm so sorry to hear how exhausting its been for you. is it work-related exhaustion, or perhaps a mix of things making it feel heavy?

just know that i'm here for you 💙

It’s everything @rav3n

ohh gosh, i can hear how that would make it even more exhausting @Captain24 do wanna chat about it more or chat about something else? let me know how i can support you tonight 💙

I just can’t @rav3n. I just can’t be. I just can’t anything.

Im sorry. Don’t waste your time. I’m a lost cause.

Too much pain

@Captain24 i assure you, you are NOT a lost cause and you are NOT a waste. all you have to be is you.

i'm here for you because 1. i want to be here, 2. you deserve someone to sit with you.

i'm so sorry that the pain is so overwhelming. if you prefer to step away from the forums to stay safe, that's totally okay. but i'll still be here, you're not alone.

I’ve taken my meds @rav3n hoping they put me to sleep real soon.

I’m not a good enough person. I’m horrible. I don’t deserve anyone. If it wasn’t for the dogs no one would love me. The only love I receive is from them. I don’t deserve them.

My obsession right now is my dogs. I have to try and think of them. They would miss me I think. Maybe not. They’d go to mum and dad.

may ask, what makes you think you're not a good person? @Captain24 because from my point of view, i haven't seen/heard anything that suggests you're not a good person.

i get the feeling that your dogs love you more than you think. and i know that us mods have so much love and care for you too.

i definitely think your dogs would miss you.

i know it's hard staying safe when a part of you doesn't want to be, i'm really proud of you for trying.

I don’t think of anyone else. Im just selfish and stupid. That’s what my old psych told me anyway. @rav3n. She said that after an attempt. It has stuck with me way more than it should. Plus I never ring people. I never reach out to others. I don’t go anywhere other than the supermarket and work. If people talk to me I try not to listen to what they say. I have enough doom and gloom I don’t need theirs as well.

See.. a horrible person. Even my old psych said so.

Some of you maybe but defs not all! But I’m just a name behind a screen. Someone that never moves forward. Someone that is stuck in the same continual loop.

I tell myself that they wouldn’t and sometimes I don’t think they would but other times I think they’d miss me.

are around this weekend at all?

@Captain24 sounds a lot like the old psych was the horrible person, not you... i think a good person, especially when someone's attempted and clearly hurting, would empathise and show kindness... which seems to be the opposite of what your old psych did and i'm so sorry you had to experience that. i've got a strong feeling that your new psych would not have treated you like that, and would've been much more kind and understanding (which is what you deserve!)

honestly, i've had periods where myself or even my friends have completely withdrawn or haven't reached out much - and from my own experience with social anxiety and depression, i know how it can be to keep in touch. so please don't be too hard on yourself.

i won't speak for all mods (although i'm sure they'd agree with me), but for me - you and the members on the forums aren't just names on a screen. you are a real person, and i think about you and other members at random times when i'm not working either... i'll just randomly think 'hmm i wonder how cap's today, hope her training went well'. being stuck in a loop or struggling to move forward aren't reasons for us not to care- we will always care about you during your ups and downs.

i truly think they would, you've been there for them so much, i think it'd be impossible for them not to miss you.

yep, i'll be around tomorrow morning and sunday evening!

Sorry I fell asleep @rav3n

My new psych would never say that. She has been nothing but amazing. She never pushes me too hard either. She listens and cares. She wants me in hospital earlier than August but I just can’t go. When I told my old psych I was going she made sure I knew I could leave at anytime and even recommended it. She was no help at all. The appointments with her always dragged on. My new psych, we never have enough time!

I really hate that my bipolar and social phobia get in the way of life. It ruins everything. It’s what makes me feel like a bad person.

I never realised that you think of me at other times. That’s pretty nice. Thank you. I often think that maybe it’s just a job for you guys.

I know this is the place to be for the ups and downs but you must get sick of me always being stuck in that loop. Never getting out of it. It must be hard listening to me whine all the time. But in saying that this is the only place I have that constant support. If it wasn’t for here I don’t know that is still be alive.

I do think that they would miss me. Sometimes I don’t think they will. It’s like an uncertainty that’s not real. It’s the thoughts aren’t facts thing. Poor Jett misses me when I’m at work especially nightshift. I don’t know how he is going to cope for 3 weeks in August.

Im glad you are around in the weekend. It’s good that someone is.