I can’t cope

I’m really not liking them right now. @tyme. I know it’s really horrible to say. I feel really bad. Just more to add to how horrible, how nasty, how worthless I really am. I don’t belong in this world.

How did your niece go when you put all her stuff at the door? I guess you have forgiven her.

I had that thought before. I was an alien in this world and I didnt' belong. Believe it or not, it's not actually such an uncommon thought @Captain24 In a way, it was as though I didn't belong in my own skin.

I've still got so much to do lol. So much that I'm totally not stressed.

I’m in so much pain. So much pain. It hurts. It hurts to be alive.

TW:

It amazes me how you cannot be stressed. Are you at least getting a little sorted. How did the preso go?

Hey @Captain24 , I've put parts of your post above in a spoiler so it's not too triggering for others who may be reading on.

It hear how had it is. Do you still think it is med related? You've got a few more months to wait before your admission.

I think the preso is a flop so I'm just going to leave it until I've got the mind for it. I've got so much to do still. But I'm consciously not letting myself stress out. It's a real brain game. I couldn't always do this.

Takes a lot of effort and practice.

Oh, and my niece knew how furious I was with her and after 2 days, she took the pillow and all the junk to her place @Captain24

I haven't been that angry with her - ever.

No wonder the doc wants me to get a blood pressure machine....

I don’t know what it is. @tyme. I’ve still got weeks of med change to go through. My admission is August. So it’s a while away. Maybe I won’t make it.

Im sorry about the preso. Hopefully you can get it sorted.

So you’re not stressing because you are using your mind to work through it?

At least she understood. Hopefully it settles her down for a little while for you.

That child is going to be the death of me... honestly. @Captain24

Anyway, let's just say that the preso it not top on the list because I feel I can just talk without it. I don't want to present it in a stiff way, reading off the screen... it's not me. I can't do it.

I've got more important things to do before monday lol. Including clean my house! It looks like a tornado just ripped through it!

By the way, are your parents going to look after your dogs when you have your admission this time?

Have you ever thought about a child psychologist @tyme? Sorry if I’ve over stepped.

You are so impressive. Do you just stand there and talk?

I defs like a clean house before I go away. It’s so nice to come home to a clean house. I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think. Will the kids still go to your house while you are away or will you lock the door?

Nah. I’ve got the same dog sitter as the last time. I’m not sure how Jett is going to go this time. He misses me so much when I’m at work. It’s going to be a long 3 weeks for him.

Nah, not overstepping. @Captain24

I was actually offered a job when I was still in year 11 or 12 to work with a child psychologist because someone read about me in a local newspaper. But... I never went through with it.

I'm interested in child psychology, but I don't want to be a psychologist. I actual have worked as a behavioural therapist in the past so I conduct functional behaviour assessments and right up behaviour support plans to help children.

I want to get the house clean, but I have to pack first lol. I'll get there eventually.

The dog sitter last time was the good one? The one who didn't even ask to be paid?

That sounds interesting. @tyme. You have a very interesting past. So many different things.

I hate packing. But yes it’s so much easier to clean after packing.

Yeah. It’s the dog sitter that doesn’t many payment. Both dogs loved them so I’m hoping they will again.