I can’t cope

I’m not totally sure you do @Jynx. Not all of it.

Im really tired and really really down. If I had sick leave I wouldn’t go in tonight. That down.

Here’s a tired driving story for you so you don’t feel so bad about your popped tyre and you get that I do understand. I was driving home behind a slow car. There were broken lines so I could pass. I forgot to look for on coming traffic! Lucky I realised in time as there was cars coming!!

Im tired and not feeling confident in myself so everything is put up high and out of the way. Hopefully I get a decent sleep to do it all again tonight.

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@Captain24 wrote:

I’m not totally sure you do @Jynx. Not all of it.

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Well.... I mean you're not wrong!! There's this concept of existential isolation in existential psychotherapy which looks at this - effectively that we are all isolated, as no one can truly know what it is like to be in our heads. All I can say for sure, is that the way you describe your inner darkness sounds a lot like the way I used to describe mine.

I'm sorry that things are so tough. Has your day been ok?

OMG that would have been so scary!! Yeah overtaking on single lane country highways is SOOOO scary, idk if that's where you were but like.... overtaking at 100km/h on a skinny little slip of road is GNARLY.

Proud of you! 💜

Sorry @Jynx. I shouldn’t have said that. You have been amazing. You have helped and guided me so much. I really do appreciate it even though I didn’t sound it. I’m really sorry.

Im not doing well at all. I’m sitting in the car park to trying not to cry. I don’t want to go in but I have too. I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m just not coping.

Yeah it was a rural road and 110 km/hr. I’m pretty stupid.

I really have to go in now.

I’ll talk on Monday if you’ll have me after this.

Hey @Captain24 ,

Sitting with you.

If you are going to work, I'll sit with you in the truck. Missing your company.

@Captain24 , the kids have only been interstate in a plane. Haven't been overseas yet. My sister waiting until their immunity was okay.. it's not that safe to take young young children overseas.

Catchya when I catchya. Sitting with you.

@Captain24 nah darlin, you were just being honest with me. I really appreciate your words tho, it means a lot to me that you care so much about how your words might impact me 😊

You got this hun. One step at a time!!

I will absolutely talk to you on Monday!! I look forward to it 😊

I think I'm actually on on Saturday too, swapped a shift so if you're about, we can also chat then 😉

I was so tired at work last night. I struggled to keep my eyes open. My body felt so heavy. I was just exhausted physically and mentally. I felt like I could just cry. @Jynx @tyme Thank you both for thinking of me.

When the sun came up it woke me up a bit.

Im not sure if I told you that I felt like a girl was bullying me? Anyway last night we talked it out. She did put it all on me. It’s my fault because I don’t do it right. But she did say it in a nice way.

I drove the car from the lot to the office to sign off and get outta there. Speed limit is 60 km/hr. The car was speed limited to that. A kangaroo jumped across the road in front of us. A safe distance away so no chance of hitting it. The guy in the passenger seat grabbed the steering wheel and kept turning it towards the roo saying ‘hit it, hit it’ It really scared me cause I was fighting the steering wheel back. I was so angry and he just thought it was funny. I gave him both barrels. F@ck I was angry. Soo angry. How unsafe was that.. I felt like fighting over the steering wheel felt like we were going to roll the car. Lucky I was only going 60.

I was so angry that I actually rung mum when I got home. I had to tell someone. She was angry too then. Then we chatted for a bit and I kept yawning so I hung up and went to bed. I’ve only just woken up. I’m a useless mum and haven’t feed my babies. They are asleep with me though.

I’ve been thinking about the littlest on the plane for so long! @tyme. It does make me smile. You so have to tell me all the stories! At least they have been on a plane but how long is the flight?

I am sorry with what I said @Jynx I was seeing in it all night. Thanks for being understanding.

Ill defs be around tonight and tomorrow night.

Hey @Captain24 !

Grrrr! No wonder you were angry! From what I know, that guy could've got a hefty fine or imprisonment for numerous offences. It's shocking! Makes me so angry too!

No wonder you slept in and took your time today. Totally okay. It's not because you are a bad mum at all!

I just want to let you know that I'm off for a bit, but I'll be back on at around 7:30pm. Looking forward to chatting then? If you are free?

My sister is planning our itinerary for when we go away in December... gives me a headache just looking at it!!! I'll defo come back with stories.

I was ropable @tyme

Mum said I should have reported him but we don’t son and I would cop the backlash.

I guess it’s not easy to plan especially with so many people.

I so can’t wait for you to go so I can get the funny, embarrassing stories!

I’ll be around.

See ya after 7:30

Hello hello! @Captain24

No seriously, he could've got into a lot of trouble. It's illegal to do that.

No wonder you were ropable.

What's been happening for you today?

Hey @tyme

Hope your meeting went well.

I will never drive a car with him in the passenger seat again. I’m not sure I want to drive again. Other than being p!seed off it bought back flashbacks of an accident that I had. I went through a fence and down into a paddock.

Im not ok. I can’t function. I can’t do anything. I’m just an empty waste of space. I’m really struggling. I don’t want to be here. I’ve had enough. I can’t carry this weight around anymore.

Sorry for dumping all that bug I need to get it out.

How was your day?