I can’t cope

Sorry I feel asleep last night . @Jynx. I wasn’t feeling very well at all and my meds hit me pretty much straight away. Then I discovered I’m out of meds and have to order some. More money!

I just feel like I’m too much, I’m too much for myself so why not others. As always (which I also hate about me) I put other people first and give them the option of bailing out. I don’t want to know me so I know other people don’t.

I’ll see how it goes. She is awesome so hopefully she forgives me for failing. It’s just another thing I have failed at. The story of my life.

It’s funny how some are so smart and othered aren’t. Pix always knows what is going on. Whether it’s a work day or a work night. When we are going on holidays. When we are going for a day out. When I’m getting ready to go back to work the next day. Jett has no idea and just follows her cues. He has no idea when he is in trouble unless you shout really loudly. He’s just one of those that the world goes on around him and he is indifferent to it. He has no idea of the word ‘treat’ with Pix I have to spell it when I’m talking to someone.

I love the feed bowl thing. Sounds like Jazz has a little difficulty following routine! It’s so cool that they are different and have their own personalities.

Hey @Captain24 I just wanted to say that you're never too much here and send you a big old hug through the screen.

Also it made me smile reading about Pix and Jett. I feel like that's always the way when you have 2 pets, one is switched on and knows what's happening all the time, the other is just living in their own little world. My cats are the same, Ollie even outsmarts me sometimes while Momo will sometimes do things like run headfirst into the glass door...

Thanks for saying that @Ru-bee. This sounds strange but it’s actually hard to hear. It’s like it causes conflict within me. I know that doesn’t even make sense.

Pix has been sick so she has been having medication twice a day. I put it in peanut butter so last night she was jumping up and down for it but I’ve stopped the meds as she seems to be better. But she wanted the extra treat she has been getting! I’m hoping her poop turns to a normal colour without it. If it doesn’t she has more wrong with her than we thought.

The dogs have fresh water at all times. There are 2 bowls. Jett was drinking the dirty water from washing the floors! He has also run into the door! Maybe it’s a two pet thing. It’s my youngest that is the not so smart one.

Maybe it's hard to hear something that challenges our self-perception @Captain24 Even if we have a belief about ourself that might be a negative one, like "I'm too much" there can still be some comfort in that. I think that if it's something that's "wrong" with us then it gives us a little sense of control at least... I dunno, just thinking out loud.

That's funny, my youngest is the smart one! He has to have anxiety medication every morning and I was originally giving it to him with his breakfast no problem, but now he's started to sniff it out and eat around it, so I have to put it in his mouth and hold him until he swallows (which we both hate) and even then sometimes he pretend swallows and as soon as I let him go he spits out the pill!

I don’t know what it is @Ru-bee. To me it’s just the truth. I guess it’s the challenge of what is right to me is wrong to you. I don’t know.

I was thinking it was an oldest thing. Pix does all the thinking and Jett just follows along. So it’s interesting that it’s the other way around for you. Maybe poor Jett is just not very bright. But it’s ok I wouldn’t change him for the world. Well most of the time! 😜

I cried all the way through my psych appointment. I’ve never done that before. I didn’t want that appointment. I actually wanted to cancel it but I’m not someone who does that.

Oh @Captain24 it sounds like that was a really really hard session. How are you feeling now? Are you back home?

@Captain24 @Ru-bee what do you mean I only communicate in memes? 😂

I actually found this one a while ago but it just summarises SO WELL what I think is happening for you when it's hard to receive compliments:

Does that resonate?

Aww haha poor little Jett, he's a himbo!! 🤣

I feel open, raw, vulnerable, exposed and ashamed @Ru-bee. Ashamed is the big one. Ashamed for crying.

It was Telehealth. It’s too far to go see her to often. I kinda wish I was there today as she would have given me a hug.

I’ve had a mindful shower as requested by her and I’ve been lying in bed hugging my weighted Dino.

That resonates sooo much @Jynx you find the best memes.

He is definitely a himbo. That describes him perfectly.

@Captain24 yay for crying!! I know, that comment might feel unpleasant amongst all the shame but I am glad to hear it - means there's less cortisol in your body now!! Hooray 😋

I am sending you soooo many hugs!! Weighted dino buddy sounds like just the ticket hey. Your wily one and your himbo cuddled up with you as well?