I'm sorry you had that experience @Captain24 that's really hard. I think I can see where you're coming from - since we have some firm guidelines around posting about things like SI and SH, and your posts have been removed on a number of occasions, the 'message' that you're getting from this is that you can't be sad here, you need to always be perky and chipper (note - I put the word message in quotes not because you are wrong for comprehending it this way, but because it's not something anyone has communicated to you directly).
Or to put it another way, your post gets removed because it could potentially be unsafe for other community members to read (NOT because you need to stop talking about it or pretend everything is okay when it's not), your brain draws the conclusion that it is being removed because you're not allowed to be feeling like this. And it's totally okay that your brain has that response!!
We've all grown up socialised by both the media and the education system to operate within a punitive justice paradigm - i.e. when someone makes a mistake, it is seen as a reason to punish them rather than an opportunity for growth. The result of this pervasive paradigm is that all of us are sooooo conditioned to believe that things like getting a post removed is us 'getting in trouble' - as in, the automatically conditioned response to seeing your post has been removed is to feel like the mods are saying "You've been naughty and need to feel ashamed of your actions!!"
We don't like that. We do NOT, and have NEVER engaged in 'punishing' members - for instance, despite the way it might leave a person feeling, we don't implement account pauses to punish people!! It is always about protecting and balancing the needs of the community, and ensuring that someone who is in crisis is actually accessing supports that will be sufficiently resourced to help them through that kind of experience.
The punitive justice paradigm also means that we've been conditioned to feel like ANY kind of inconvenience or disruption we cause to another person is a reflection of us being crappy humans, with absolutely no room for context or nuance in our understanding of a situation. So making a mistake often results in us getting the message that it makes us a bad person, rather than just, you know, human.
This feeling, that you're being punished/targeted/pushed out, is probably a very instinctual gut reaction too hun, so pls don't blame yourself or shame yourself for the way it has left you feeling. Even if your wise-mind/logic-brain can understand what I've said here, your instinctual/survival brain may still have that gut-reaction feeling that says you are unwelcome. It's having that reaction because of a lifetime of social conditioning, NOT because it is the truth.
Hmm ok now I am thinking about the more practical side of things.... but I don't want to make this post TOO long!! So I will share em in a smidge, dinner time now!! 😋
