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I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor16 June 2022, 9:48 pm AEST

I can’t cope

Hi. I’m new and have never been in anything like this before.
I’m really struggling with depression at the moment and just need a place to vent.
there is no reason as to why I feel this way. I just hate myself and feel like I’m an unworthy and useless person. I don’t have a partner or many friends. I feel like I keep pushing them away when I’m down. I’m just not worthy of them. I hate life and just wish I would go to sleep and not wake up. I feel so much emotional pain inside but numb at the same time. None of this makes any sense but it just how I feel.

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In response to: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor09 Jan 2025, 4:39 pm AEDT

Re: I can’t cope

Hey @Bow

Welcome back!!!

I hope your trip was great…

I have a question.. did you get a white Christmas?? I was thinking of you in Christmas Day!

In response to: I can’t cope

SnowieSenior Contributor09 Jan 2025, 4:44 pm AEDT

Re: I can’t cope

Well done on achieving things today @Captain24 especially since you haven't been well.

Showering can be such a huge task sometimes.

You should be proud of yourself.

In response to: I can’t cope

JynxModerator09 Jan 2025, 4:47 pm AEDT

Re: I can’t cope

@Snowie Ahhh thank you for your errand running Mr Snowie!! Haha

Yeah that's it, there's always such cool finds!! I sometimes just enjoy going to look at all the things, not to buy - just to think about what that person's life might have been like... Get me those mad sonder vibes! Just in case, this is what sonder means:

In response to: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor09 Jan 2025, 4:48 pm AEDT

Re: I can’t cope

Definitely rose from the dead @tyme

I do still have a slight fever and I’m ridiculously tired. It’s like I just have a cold now.

I can’t do a trigger box from my phone! Feels free to delete it.

TW: SI

Content/trigger warning

There is just the feeling of not wanting to be alive. I constantly just wish I was dead. I feel like I have nothing to live for, other than my dogs. I have lost hope that I can get better and stay better. I feel like I’m not worth being alive. I don’t feel like I’m a good enough person to be alive. An urge sweeps over me to follow through with it. Then I have the SH urge wondering if that will lessen the SI urge.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

BowSenior Contributor09 Jan 2025, 4:50 pm AEDT

Re: I can’t cope

@Captain24 No we didn’t 😞 we had some really cold days though. Like -1 but feels like -7.8 the wind made it worse.

we did get some snow falling in Paris but not enough for it to settle. We were sitting outside having dinner at a cute Paris restaurant and it started falling. Daughter was scooping it up off the tables around us. She held it out in her hand and I flicked it up into her face!

In response to: I can’t cope

JynxModerator09 Jan 2025, 4:51 pm AEDT

Re: I can’t cope

@Captain24 clean PJs sounds sooo nice!! Good on ya!

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with these super heavy thoughts darlin. I can't imagine the sickness is helping - your body has no energy for positive thinking!

What book are you reading at the moment?

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

tymeModerator09 Jan 2025, 4:55 pm AEDT

Re: I can’t cope

Actually, the SI is probably more common than you think.

@Captain24

TW: SI

Content/trigger warning

I certainly went through years of it. I was alive purely to want to die... and yes, it was a really rough patch.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor09 Jan 2025, 4:57 pm AEDT

Re: I can’t cope

That’s a shame @Bow. That’s not as cold as I thought. Some mornings when I finish work it’s -5.

That sounds so quaint. A cute little restaurant with snow falling. Sounds like a scene from a movie! Has your daughter seen snow before?

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor09 Jan 2025, 4:59 pm AEDT

Re: I can’t cope

I feel a lot fresher @Jynx

I’m reading John Farnham book. It’s really good. You can tell he has written it as it sounds like him when you read it.

Do you read?

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Captain24Senior Contributor09 Jan 2025, 5:08 pm AEDT

Re: I can’t cope

I guess it’s pretty common @tyme. I’m not alone in feeling this way but I feel alone.

Trigger box this to or delete please.

TW: SI/SH

Content/trigger warning

It’s not quite as bad as it was. I did do a lot of planning in recent days. I have been risky in some of the things I have done. But the risky things are lessening. It’s like a can’t be bothered anymore. I don’t have the energy. But the option is still there. I don’t need ES either. I will talk to my psych in a couple of weeks.

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