I can’t cope

This was the missing photo @Captain24

Ruby is up for her next groom. @Captain24

Ahhh, she's a character.

It's going to be hot again tomorrow.

She’s adorable @tyme. I love the shine on her coat.

@Captain24 aww that sucks! I think by the time I rolled around (3rd child) my parents were burnt out on bday parties every year so I definitely had to 'skip' a couple (like, no sleepover, no big party, just cake). Amazing how often these 'special occasions' that are supposed to be fun and celebratory become sources of trauma for those of us with MHI ay 😒😪

Totally normal to also feel a sense of unease or even panic after expressing a boundary!! Sitting outside that comfort zone can be harrrrrrd.

BUT - even if she does take it personally, you can always try to gently explain that you do need to stand by what you said, as this is an important part of your recovery - even letting her know you're trying to work on being firm with your boundaries can help give her enough information so that she is less likely to internalise it as a rejection. And if she's a good friend, she'd never ever think of you as 'horrible' for doing something that is going to help you on your recovery journey.

Cold? Oh noooo do you have a fever?

How often is she groomed? @tyme.

So nice to have a hot day. It was only 30 here and the same tomorrow. But I’ll be at work so I won’t get to enjoy it. It’s still 29 currently but I’m so cold.

Any plans for the sun!

Yeah.. no parties, no sleepovers. @Jynx I wasn’t even allowed to go to sleepovers. Mum told me that parents that let their kids go for sleepovers didn’t care about them. In hindsight it’s a bit like the pot and the kettle!

I feel the need to call her but I’m working for the next five days so I can’t. I am really worried. She doesn’t do boundaries. But I guess I have to look after myself first:

@Captain24 wow, what a warped narrative. Your poor mum must've been through some crap too. Just sucks that it has meant you copping it as a kid.

Hope you get to find some good friends who can help you make up for lost time!! Having sleepovers as an adult is the best!! Movies, pizza, chocolate, and a big pile of gossip - a silly and superb time for all!

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@Captain24 wrote:

But I guess I have to look after myself first:

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Yes! We love to hear it!!

If it is really weighing on you, you can always flick through a follow up message where you reassure that you aren't rejecting her or trying to be mean, you are just working on putting your needs first and being firm with your boundaries. But like, she also might not reply to that. Always the gamble with sending a text with big feelings attached hey!

My thoughts are racing. My heart is racing. My chest hurts. My head hurts. I’m trembling. I’m cold. I’m isolated. I can’t stop the thoughts.

@Captain24 takes some slow and measured breaths. It's gonna be ok hun.

You were dehydrated earlier and that is BOUND to have an impact on your psyche - system gotta work twice as hard to keep you going, leaving fewer resources for resilience and reassurance.

Have you eaten enough today? Showered? Spent some time just chillin?

Mum has messed me up big time @Jynx. A lot of the childhood stuff I missed out on because they were so controlling. I wasn’t allowed to do anything.

I’ve eaten, I’ve had a shower and washed my hair, I’ve been sitting and watching tv for a while.

Im trying to breathe, I’m trying to control myself but I can’t. I can’t stop the thoughts. I made a mess of myself getting dehydrated and no I’ve made an even bigger mess of myself.

Im scared