I can’t cope

I went to bed this morning thinking Jett was sick. He was really flat and didn’t eat breakfast. I just got up to my rubbish being strewn across the lounge room. I guess he is ok.

@Captain24 oh nooooo hahaha they really do keep us on their toes don't they?!

Haha last night I was supposed to be going out and Razz was REFUSING to come back inside. I wouldn't have been so worried if it weren't for the fact that it was time for their flea treatment, so Razz was in her little baby shirt (I'll see if I can find some pics!) and I just couldn't stop picturing her getting like caught on something so of COURSE I couldn't go anywhere till I'd literally dragged her out from under the house by the scruff of the neck... 😅

Razz of course let me know how displeased she was by pissing on my bag lol

They broke me at work last night. I cried from 3:45am until about 5. @tyme @Jynx

The first half of the shift they kept using me as a not example on the dump. It left me really down about my abilities.

Then at lunch one girl singled me out and demanded to know what I was eating (triggered my ED big time) then wanted to know why I didn’t bring anything for her. There was others in the meal room eating but she put the focus on me. Then when we were leaving she asked where my truck was. Obviously it was in the truck park up with the others. This is how the bullying started at school.

Then later in one of my bosses made a smart ass comment and that’s what finally cracked me.

I just drive like a maniac on the way home. I didn’t care if I ran off the road.

Im really not ok and I’m really struggling with SH urges and SI.

Im in so much pain.

Im about to go to bed to then face it all again tonight. If I had sick leave I’d call in sick.

No emails. I am safe.

Hi @Captain24

I'm sorry to hear about your work last night. It is never easy to deal with work place bullies.

It can trigger so much for us.

I'm hoping your are able to get some sleep today and tonight goes a little better for you.

Sending lots of 💌💌

hey @Captain24 i'm so sorry to hear about how you were treated at work. you deserve to be treated with kindness. sending positive energy your way 💜

Thanks for your support @rav3n @Snowie.

I don’t feel any better after having a good sleep.

I don’t want to go to work. I don’t want to face another night like last night. I feel like I’m the shitest truckie out there. My confidence has been shaken a lot.

I just journaled last nights events. I actually see how bad it really was. I now feel worse than i did. Is it bad that I dont want to make it to work? I know it is but that’s what my thoughts are telling me. I feel really useless. I feel like a failure. But I guess I have to remember ‘feelings aren’t facts’ but they feel like it right now.

@Captain24 I've got no words of help

But I can listen and let you know I'm here

Hey @Snowie @Captain24

Hi @tyme

I hope your day was ok