I can’t cope

Hi @MJG017

I don’t know about the coloured resin. I’ve ordered a kit online so I’ll see how it works then.

Thanks for sharing about yourself. I’m 47 and never had a long term partner. I’m at the point now that I don’t want one. I’m just not interested.

That’s no good about the prostate cancer. Did you have it out? My dad had it last year and it had spread so they couldn’t take it out he just had to have radiation and hormone injections instead So far he is cancer free.

I started my Cert IV but I gave up. My MH did a huge turn south and that’s when I ended up in hospital and haven’t gone back to it.

These are the resin coasters that I made.

I’m home after a big day out. I did some shopping. The drive there and back was long, there was a lot of road works with traffic lights.

Now I’m cold and tired. I couldn’t get to sleep last night either.

Im not really feeling ok

Hey @Captain24 sounds like it was a really big day, sounds like some good rest is in order for the evening

I’m too agitated to stop. @Ru-bee. It’s like my brain and body won’t let me. Lots of thoughts. They won’t stop. I’ve tried self care shit but I can’t stop long enough to do it. Plus I’m shaking. I thought my bipolar was under control. Now I’m not so sure. I don’t know what is happening. Im so tired but so wired.

So, I’ve been rereading what you wrote (numerous times) @Jynx.

I need to find something else for self care. I need to find something that allows me to care for myself. To put actual care in not just a distraction task that’s not working.

I do force myself to do my arty stuff because that’s what I think is self care. You’re right, I’m under the illusion that if I don’t do these things then I’m not doing the self care expected of me.

Not enjoying this stuff is making me feel worse when I’m told it should make me feel better.

I need to find self soothing stuff as well. I completely get the difference. Self soothing helps regulate in the now. If I can’t self care than that’s ok.

Leave my usual tasks for hobbies when I actually want to do them.

Did I understand correctly?

hey @Captain24 saw some of your work with resin - really cool stuff!

i see that you're having a lot of intrusive thoughts, i know that must be overwhelming and exhausting to have running around in your mind. hoping you get some well deserved rest tonight so it helps re-charge you.

and i noticed you mentioned self-soothing vs self-care as well, do you have self-soothing tools that work for you?

It was just a kit @rav3n. I got another clear resin kit today so I will do that sometime down the track.

Self-soothing and self-care have just be differentiated for me. I’m cold and tired so I just made myself get into a hot shower. I think it falls into both categories. I was calming myself and caring for myself.

The intrusive thoughts are pretty strong. They hurt.

Surely after 2 nights of limited sleep I should get some tonight. But it could also be the reason for my agitation. I might try and take something else to help me get to sleep.

where do you get your resin kits from? @Captain24 i've seen some beach/water inspired resin work online as well, it's a pretty cool art form.

sometimes even i forget that self-care and self-soothing have two different purposes, honestly reading what you mentioned reminded me of that difference. a warm shower sounded like a good idea, i agree it does seem to fit both categories.

do you find breathing techniques helpful for soothing intrusive thoughts? sleep seems to be a big player in how your feeling, doesn't it? if i've had 2-3 days of poor sleep, i usually knock out quite well the next day so hopefully you're able to get some good quality sleep tonight to make up for the other days!

I think you got it @Captain24 😁

I think the other thing to be mindful of though is the anhedonia side of things. Which you said sounds pretty accurate for how you're feeling, that lack of feeling pleasure?

So I think in anhedonia there's actually decreased activity in the pleasure centres of the brain. Ever heard the phrase, 'Neurons that fire together, wire together'? It basically just means the more we think/behave in a certain way, the stronger the neural connections for that thought/behaviour. So, effectively the 'pleasure neurons' have kinda faded from disuse - they're not wired very strongly. Which is why things that ought to be pleasurable feel much more dull and difficult to engage with - cos it takes more energy for our brain to utilise those not-as-strong neural pathways.

All this is basically to say that sometimes in order to reignite that experience of pleasure, we have to work on strengthening those neural pathways again. Since the pleasure and motivation centres of the brain are both run by our old pal dopamine (that guy doesn't like me very much... teehee ADHD joke), doing stuff that increases dopamine is a good place to start:

That last point too - try something new!! Maybe part of the reason you're feeling burnt out on your arty stuff is because a) you've been doing it too much because you 'have to' and b) you've been forcing yourself to do it. I dunno if you've ever heard of the Persistent Drive for Autonomy (also called Pathological Demand Avoidance but I think that's just a bit pathologising hey)? Basically it's like... if you're gonna do the dishes in like half an hour. Then before you get up to do them someone comes n says 'Hey can you do the dishes?' and suddenly you really just don't wanna do it anymore. I wonder if this sense of 'I have to do my art' could be a little bit of PDA? That plus the added shame of 'because it should be good for me' is a recipe for disaster!!

So don't beat yourself up about it ok hun? This is all part of the trial and error of trying to find what works best for us for our recovery. Can take time, and come with pitfalls and frustrations. But you're still making progress! Finding out what doesn't work can be just has helpful as finding out what does 😊

Also creativity can't be forced. Just saying.