I can’t cope

I wonder if this is a coping mechanism @Captain24 ?

We 'forget' things as a way to protect ourselves?

Do you want to remember these things? I'm just wondering. No need to answer if you don't want to.

Pix is on my lap. I’m holding her, she stinks and needs a bath. Her hair feels good though.

No. I don’t want to remember them. I am happy for them to be blocked and stay blocked.

Is this because I’m trying work out my life?

I really don't know @Captain24 whether it's because you are working out your life.

For me, I was recently getting flashbacks which weren't pleasant, but I sort of 'felt' them, then let them go. They came back a few times, and I did feel a bit hurt, but I don't think I 'let' it hold me down. From what I remember, I sort of acknowledged the flashbacks were there, but then moved on @Captain24

Of course I'm not saying this is the same for everyone. This was only my recent experience and how I worked through it.

I don't think the flashbacks came because I was trying to sort out my life. They just happened.

It could just be coincidental @tyme.

Thanks for sharing and I’m sorry you went through it recently.

I don’t usually get flash backs but recently they have been happening more.

The ones I know about I can kinda deal with them. They do bring me down but I get through it. I don’t even mention them.

This one is completely different.

Is there someone you can talk to about it @Captain24 ?

I see my psych tomorrow but it doesn’t matter how hard I try she won’t go into my childhood stuff. Maybe this might get me the help I need. @tyme. I just can’t get her to listen.

OMG @Captain24 , no child deserves a dislocated thumb!! That's child abuse! 😢

I'm sorry your psych won't listen or deal with childhood trauma. That seems crazy to me as a lot of our MIs stem from childhood trauma, I think.

Good morning @NatureLover

Good to see you. I have missed you. Sorry if I did something to upset you.

Yeah there were a few things. I did have quite a few bruises. But back in the 80’s nothing was ever questioned. It wasn’t black eyes of anything. It all happened anytime we did something slightly wrong.

Anyhow… how has things been with you? You have SAD if I remember correctly? I hope you are doing the best you can.

About to go to the psych. Hopefully she will listen to me and start working to unpack stuff. I don’t want memories to keep jumping out of nowhere and sending me off track. please can see listen please can she do what I want. Please can she continue it through sessions. I’m tired of the now. I need the past done to only have the now to work

on.

She listened. I told her about yesterday. I told her about my abuse as a child. I told her my current abuse. I told her my fears. I learnt a lot today. I know so much more the reason why I do things.

I even told her about my sexuality. The first time I have said it out loud. I told her now I understand why I’m not the ‘society norm’. I told her it’s a little piece of the puzzle I’m trying to put together.

She said I should be able to gradually put more pieces together. She said we can unpack my childhood and it will not be baggage any more. She said I can move past it. She said I can heal from it. She said I can grow.

I am tired. I am exhausted. It was hard and confronting. I just feel the need to sleep.