I can’t cope

I’ve done a runner and not sure I want to go back.

Hi @Captain24,

Is everything okay? What's happening?

Please look out for an email, I want to check in with you ❤️

I have made it back home. I have been in contact with my CM. It appears that I was/am in crisis. I have gone manic but not the fun side, the dangerous side. It’s quite scary and I’m a little out of control. My CM said she will be by my side while I get through this. I did tell her that I could only see one way out. She did ask me a lot of questions along those lines and I was sorta kinda honest.

Hey @Captain24 - wow that is scary, I am sorry that you are going through this. I am super glad your CM is there with you to support you.

What do you think you need from us, if anything? We're here for you hun 💜

Just support and understanding @Jynx.

It’s explaining some stuff. I’ve been very erratic. Saying and doing stupid stuff. I’m suppose to be at work but instead I just jumped in my car and took off. I ended up in a town 2 hrs away. Then I ducked the 5 minutes into town to get a medical certificate and drove the long way home. Nearly an hr. I need to calm down so desperately.

Of course @Captain24 we're with you.

Wow, quite a journey. Sounds similar to what my friend went through when she was manic - took a seven hour drive only to end up going swimming in the nude and driving home 😅

Can be super intense and super scary for sure. Be super slow and gentle with yourself darlin. You got anything else on this afternoon?

I know I’ve already pushed people away @Jynx. Which is ok. I can’t cope with myself so how do I expect anyone else too.

That feels like something I could do.. The driving itself can be an issue. I was mostly sensible on the drive.

I had to take something when I got home so I’ve been asleep for a little while. I have to go out and wait for mum to drop the dogs off.

Im really tired because of the meds and I still have to take more of them. This is also where my mind plays tricks. It tells me to do things I know I shouldn’t.

@Captain24 maybe the moments when you can't cope with yourself is exactly when you need folks to stay with you. I mean sometimes we can't help but push people away when we're in crisis, but I am just saying you don't deserve to be alone atm hun.

I can imagine that today has left you feeling pretty shaken, so it doesn't surprise me that your mind is leaning that way. Is your CM still with you, or contactable?

Nah.. I’m completely on my own @Jynx. Just me and the two mutts.

There is only me to work through what has happened and how scared I am. There is only me to fight my demons thoughts.

It can absolutely be terrifying to face it alone @Captain24. You can face it though, I really believe in your capability to do so. Take everything super slow, you can always work through the thoughts and begin to process the events of the day tomorrow, and just spend tonight practicing some soft and gentle self-care.

I'm heading off for the evening hun but I am sending big hugs your way 🫂