I can’t cope

I can’t get a break. I’ve dragged myself out of bed as the dog will be here soon. Even with the distraction the urges are really strong.

It’s not even 10 am yet.

I don’t know if I can do this.

@Captain24 💕💕

Hi @Captain24 , I'm sorry to hear things have been so tough 😣

I was shocked that you can't get an appt with your GP till 29th May!! That is terrible!

Also sad to hear you weren't able to sleep for 2 days...how was your sleep last night?

I really hope your CM is supportive next week. Well done for writing honestly how things were in the email.

Thanks. @NatureLover @Snowie.

I tossed and turned all night. Now I just wish I was in bed and could stay there.

I’ve got nothing in me.

Drs appointments are really hard here. I’d be in pretty bad trouble without my CM. She has shown me some compassion though, which I didn’t expect.

Im hoping we can work together to keep me out of hospital. She is also asking in advice with what to do about my meds

I know that feeling of just wanting to stay in bed @Captain24 It is very tempting.

I'm so glad that you have your CM hon and that they are being proactive. Hopefully she can help until you are able to get a Drs appt. I know they are hard to get.

I totally understand the wanting to stay out of hospital.

As soon as mum picks up Keiko I’ll go back to bed @Snowie.

Ive done stuff already today, but it’s happening everyday.

It’s like I have lost control. I have no care for anything and I find safety plans useless.

Sorry.. I know you don’t need all

this.

Im hoping that today is a little easier for you. You deserve a rest.

Hopefully your mum comes soon then @Captain24

I know bed is my safe place, I hope it is for you too.

I'm sorry things have already happened for you. It is hard when it almost becomes the new norm.

Safety plans can be useful at times. I find mine helps but not all the time. It really does depend on how I am going at that time.

It is hard when we run out of things we care about, what keeps us going. Sometimes we really have to dig deep to find those reasons to keep going.

I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to hon. It helps keep me distracted too.

Are you celebrating mothers days tomorrow at all?

It is my safe space @Snowie.

I feel like there is nothing much keeping me here. I’m not sure the dogs are enough anymore.

Im glad your SP works for you sometimes. Maybe I need to do mine with someone and give me a bit more guidance.

Mum had a polio event tomorrow in a town just over an hour away. I have her dog while that’s on and the maybe we will just get takeaway for dinner.

I have to have a shower and leave the house. That’s not impressing me much.

Do you have plans? Is there any rituals that your fam do?

I can understand that there can be not much holding us here @Captain24.

It is hard to handle at times.

People always say think of my family and how it would devastate them. I hate this phrase. I have enough guilt already before they are brought into the conversation.

Sometimes they aren't even enough.

Perhaps re doing your SP is needed. I know I've changed mine quite a few times, depending on what is working and what isn't. Maybe it is something you can talk to your supports about and spend some time fine tuning it.

I have my mum, mother in law and sister in laws family coming over for dinner. All these people around when I would rather just hide for the day. But need to put my big girl pants on and smile.