RublesTimeCasual Contributor
Schizophrenia and responsibilties for action TW
TW: child abuse
Hi guys.
I know this is a pretty uncomfortable discussion to have here, but how liable are people with schizoaffective disorder for their actions, and how much should they be made to face the things that they have done?
When I was growing up, my schizophrenic mother had frequent episodes, and even as they became physical the line that was always used was "she can't help it". And I took that on board at the time, but now I wonder if that's entirely accurate, as it always felt like whenever she did something wrong she never had to apologise for what she had done, even if it was during a moment lacking clarity. Her behaviour would become more and more childish as I got older too.
Fast forward to a fair few years later, my wife has a schizoeffective father. Her upbringing with him was objectively worse, as he would be more physical and neglectful during her upbringing, and more crucially during her very young years (my mother got worse when I was into my tweens, so I at least had some decent periods of normality before that). She is extremely resentful of the things that he did during her young childhood, including things like forcing her to go out for dinner and not allowing her to change her soiled clothes (she had wet herself at school), shoving her downstairs for walking too slowly on multiple occasions, and one incident where he made a sibling leave home permanently before they were 16. And when I say made them leave home, I mean he actively told them not to be home when they got back, and mother had to find her a new place to stay.
As someone who grew up with a schizophrenic mother, I know how hard it effects one's life and how even in my 30s I'm still feeling its effects downstream. But I think in comparison I dealt okay with those trials when I put it against how my wife has dealt with it. She was never able to fully compartmentalise the things that were done to her. And it really made me think very hard about how much one who is mentally ill is responsible for their actions, particularly in the case of schizoeffective people.
The problem I'm really having with this time is he just spent a couple of months in and out of hospital for medication changes, during which he said some utterly reprehensible things about everyone in the family. And the thing that is really bothering me is now, much like he always has handled things, he's trying to act like the things didn't happen, and whenever they're brought up he just acts suprised and says he didn't know he did that. Not even followed up with a sorry, sometimes accompanied with a sheepish grin. And while I can sorta separate the disorder from the person, even I'm infuriated by this behaviour as it feels like he would prefer pretend things haven't happened than face them and apologise.
All I'm asking is for him to take some responsibility for his actions. Is this unreasonable? Am I being unfair? Should people with schizoaffective disorder be made to acknowledge their actions during episodes?
I'm sorry if this feels rude or nasty. I've been living with this literally my whole life and how much it deeply affects my wife really gets to me. I kinda want her to be able to get over it and live life but also understand why she wants it to stop. Even now in our 30s he still talks to her like a lazy teenager.
Thanks for you time.
