Wednesday evening

Another day over. When the sun goes down is my favourite time. It feels like there is less pressure to be or do anything. I can have a hot hot shower and put my pajamas on. Settle down with a book. Between 6.30pm and 9.30pm, sometimes I can feel something that equates to a kind of calm. I just started reading the chronicles of Narnia. The first part is called 'The Magicians Nephew'. Honestly it's a bit scary so far, I don't like magicians at all. I'm going to read a bit more and hopefully it doesn't scare me.

I'm an hour ill take my night time meds and then soon become sleepy and crawl into bed. I hope the night is long, I despair the dawning of the sun. I know that's not very good. I hope that one day I'll be happy to see the sun rise, rather than wishing it wouldn't never rose again.

I'm listening to ABC classic and the fire is going. I'm so blessed really. I am. I just have stupid neurotransmitters that make me think crazy. Unfortunately.

I'm still waiting for the psychiatrist to call to make an appointment.

I've been reading a lot of other posts and comments this evening. Knowing there are others out there feeling this way is a great comfort. I wish wouldn't wish mental illness on anyone. But in the world it sometimes seems like everyone else is happy and successful... and I am just an outsider. On the forums I feel comfort, like there is a group of us that can relate to one another.

Christheart x