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New to the pointy end

KtP2016Casual Contributor13 June 2022, 9:38 pm AEST

New to the pointy end

Hi all,

my husband was diagnosed with severe depression and severe anxiety almost 6 years ago after our son was born. He has been on medication since and relatively ‘evened out’, but two weeks ago became so mentally unwell that he couldn’t go to work. That was fine and I supported him taking the time he needed. We joined him up to private health (never had it before) so that in 2 months time when the waiting period was over he could attend an inpatient clinic (his suggestion - so proud of him). Fast forward to now and we just spent the arvo and early evening in ED. I had been away for 2 nights to my mums as hubby said he needed a break (our son is autistic and whilst relatively ok to manage he is very triggering for my husband when he is struggling with his mental health). I came home today and he was in a very bad way. I got him to call the mental health line and they spoke to me and said take him to ED and advocate for admission.

So we dropped our son to a friend close by and went to ED. After waiting around 2 hours he spoke to a doctor - I offered to wait outside so he could speak freely without downplaying it so as to not “worry me” (his words). They deemed him not in need of admission. I asked my husband if he was ok with me speaking to the doc alone, he said yes, I did and gave more detail than my husband had. Still, no admission. They gave him something to help him sleep which has kicked in (he hadn’t been sleeping much) and he has an appointment with the MH unit tomorrow, but I am stressing.

I don’t feel like I can leave him alone.
I told them home was a triggering place for him (conveyed to me by the hotline support person) and I didn’t feel he was safe.
Still no admission, and they did have space available.

I am hoping to go to his meeting with him tomorrow. I don’t know what happens there, but even he said after sitting in ED for two hours the mania kind of feeling had subsided. What if it switches back? We have dealt a lot with general well-being but I have no idea what to do in this type of crisis situation.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

6 replies

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In response to: New to the pointy end

PaperdaisySenior Contributor13 June 2022, 9:58 pm AEST

Re: New to the pointy end

Hi @KtP2016 I'm sorry to read all of this, it sounds very stressful for you. You are very brave to reach out for support and your husband is lucky to have you on his side.

Hopefully the MH unit has some answers for you tomorrow. If at anytime you feel yourself or he is at risk I would suggest you call 000. There are other services that can help you in crisis and I'll pop those numbers here

I'll also put some services here that may be of use

This forum is very supportive and I'm sure others will drop in soon to share their experiences.

Wishing you all the best 💛

In response to: New to the pointy end

FloatingFeatherSenior Contributor14 June 2022, 12:22 pm AEST

Re: New to the pointy end

Hi @KtP2016,

I hope you are all doing okay today and your husband's meeting goes well. I hope the MH team can help with a plan to help your husband get the help he needs.

From what you have written I get a sense that you and your husband are both very supportive and concerned for each other. It's so nice that you are there for each other during this difficult time.

I have been in a similar situation with a family member. I can only speak from my experience but I felt so out of my depth and unsure what to do or how to help my family member. Feeling like you can't leave your loved one alone is a very difficult and exhausting feeling - I've lived that feeling and it's not fun.

In my family member's situation we did find a lot of support through the MH unit and his GP and overtime my family member has built up a good professional team for support and is coping a lot better.

I also know the pressure it can be to be a carer for a person struggling through such a difficult situation. I really do encourage you to also get support from your GP, support groups (like SANE 🙂) and family and friends. It sounds like between your son and your husband you have a lot of pressure on your shoulders and even the strongest need support sometimes. If you do feel like you need additional support (alongside our 24/7 a week forums), SANE’s telephone and web based support services are also available 10am-10pm, Monday to Friday. The Support Centre consists of both counsellors and peer support workers on 1800 18 7263 so please know you are not alone.

Please take care and reach out anytime you need support.

FloatingFeather

In response to: New to the pointy end

Unknown userMember14 June 2022, 6:19 pm AEST

Re: New to the pointy end

Hey there @KtP2016, welcome to the forums. I hope we can help you navigate this really challenging time ❤️

It's so clear that you and your husband care so much for each other and have put so much thought into a care plan. And that you've been managing this together for so long is a real testament to the both of you.

I just wanted to pop in to say that in this forum, you can also search for topics via tags at the bottom of the Family, friends and carers homepage. Some which might be useful at the moment are the tags Hospital and Caring for a Partner. These tags pull in a lot of relevant posts under those topics.

You're doing great, remember to breath,

TuxedoCat ❤️

In response to: New to the pointy end

hanamiSenior Contributor15 June 2022, 3:56 pm AEST

Re: New to the pointy end

Hi @KtP2016

I was just thinking about you, wondering how things were going? Did your husband have his GP appointment?

Let us know when you can,

Hugs

Hanami

In response to: Re: New to the pointy end

KtP2016Casual Contributor15 June 2022, 7:37 pm AEST

Re: New to the pointy end

Thank you for checking in!

Mental health unit appointment was good. They didn’t admit him but are doing a few calls to check in (they couldn’t reach him today so called me right away which was comforting), changed his medication (he slept through for 12 hours in the first time in forever) and talked very frankly about suicide and safety planning. The nurse was an older man who understood some of the triggers for my husband with our son due to his own personal experiences as a dad and shared those, was compassionate yet realistic and firm. I didn’t work yesterday, I worked a few hours this arvo as a test run (for both of us!) and it felt okay for me (I wasn’t paranoid the whole time) and he felt okay to have some time alone before our son finished school.
Our GP was okay but wasn’t hugely supporting of the MH units plan, but thankfully I went with my husband to the appointment so was able to be the firm one and say ‘no this is what we need to happen’. We have a follow up appointment Friday morning with the GP as he didn’t do the mental health care plan and referral then and there (odd). We are starting to think that as wonderful as our GP has been we maybe need someone more in tune with mental health care etc.

I am still vigilant but feel like I can breathe a little deeper gradually. Communication will be key but I now know the risk will always be there and I need to be aware as I am part of his safety plan.

In response to: Re: New to the pointy end

FloatingFeatherSenior Contributor17 June 2022, 12:50 pm AEST

Re: New to the pointy end

Hi @KtP2016,

I just wanted to reach out and say thank you for letting us know how your husband got on. It must be such a relief for you both that you have the Mental Health Unit supporting you through this difficult time.

I am glad to read that your husband was able to get such a good sleep - I'm sure that was lovely for you too @KtP2016, knowing that he was able to get some much needed rest. I hope that means you have been able to get some sleep too. You have been through a pretty rough time and from my experience a very hyper-vigilant state so I hope your mind is a bit more at ease now.

Hoping that the appointment with your GP went well today. I have found that life has taught me to trust my instincts so if you feel like for whatever reason something isn't a good fit for your husband (or you) it's okay for you to question that.

It sounds like you are doing a great job and being a great support to your husband and your son. I wish you all the best and hope that things are on an uphill swing for you all.

Best wishes,

FloatingFeather

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