Jude’s Jungle

Hi @Judi9877

It's so wonderful that you're keeping us updated with how you're going at PARC. Regarding the sleeping medication, I understand. When my dr has tried me on different things they never work because I stress out that they won't work. You're in the right place though to get it all sorted out.

Again, it's wonderful of you to keep us updated. I've been thinking about you and how things are going.

Best of wishes

💮 💮

For a while I felt I had to develop a routine @Judi9877

They can help but nowadays I am very relaxed about it, mostly focus on a balance of active and quiet things to do. Like not watching movies until after evening meal ... Imagining into your future is a great idea. For a long time I did not believe I could watch anything for entertainment so its was a really good shift for me and took a while for me to remember ... lol ...

Hope you get regular sleep and get into that course.

I've been thinking about you a lot in the last few weeks @Judi9877! ❤️

I'm so glad that your decision to go to PARCs is having such positive results! You're able to recognise what you need, what isn't sitting right and coming up with strategies to address them. And by sharing these strategies with us, we all get to learn! The thing that I haven't thought about before that you shared is the idea that feelings/urges/emotions are like a wave and they'll subside eventually. I think that will really help me 🌊

Lately I've also been struggling to get to to sleep after my bedtime routine (which is very similar to yours). Something that works well for me is a sleep podcast or sleep meditation. I start it when I into bed and it really helps to keep by brain focused on breathing or muscle relaxation. A good free one I use is Sleep Cove

An update from me: I've almost finished the last sleep on my partners jumper. Then it's time to knit myself a jumper. I think it will be a dark brown turtleneck 😊 🧶

Thanks for sharing everything your learning and your journey with us ❤️

TuxedoCat

Happy Saturday to all those joining me briefly in the jungle this early afternoon @Former-Member @Appleblossom @TAB @hanami @FloatingFeather @Former-Member @MDT @Paperdaisy @tyme @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Snowie @BPDSurvivor and all forumites here!

Just doing a quick round up of things that have been going on for me today- this morning- here at PARCS which have been as follows:

- Got playing Uno with a worker who was bored and set up a best of 3 challenge which I hadn’t played in years but really enjoyed. He won the series over 2 seperate sessions of 2-1 but I really enjoyed myself which was the main thing. I’m planning on purchasing the game when I get out so I can play with my housemate and challenge her to a few games.

- I found out that I’ve got a meet and greet and assessment with a potential new case manager on Monday which is making me feel slightly anxious as I’ve never had a case manager before and don’t know what to expect from this type of MH support service. Some advice would be helpful if anyone has got some for me please as it would be very much appreciated! Thanks in advance for this!

- I’ve been working on my blanket with half a ball of yarn left to go so it should definitely be completed by tomorrow night I hope! Then it’s onto starting a new blanket for the same charity with the yarn I’ve got here.

- I worked on my own personal blanket for an hour this morning before getting out of bed which made me feel good.

Basically, that’s all to report for now from me. I’m feeling pretty good - happy- so that’s a good thing I guess on the mental health front. I’m doing a session on boundaries this afternoon which should be interesting as I know I have some trouble with this topic in

my relationships so hopefully I learn something helpful.

Talk later!

Judi9877☺️💐

Good evening to all of those forumites joining me in the jungle tonight. Welcome!

Let’s just say I’m riding a wave at the moment in the jungle of disappointment in the form of my knitted blanket that I finished a few hours ago here at PARCS. I think my BPD is playing it’s usual game of making me hold onto the bad emotions as this wave is certainly lasting what seems like forever despite me knowing that deep down, this set of emotions will peak and pass and it’ll soon be over and I’ll be happy once again. I’ll explain the situation next.

Basically, I’ve spent the best part of 3 weeks knitting this blanket - see photo of finished item below- since 7/6 when I experienced psychosis and tonight, I finally completed it. Cool, great, wonderful, right? I should be proud of this achievement as it’s a good thing and I know I did enjoy working on it but I’m not as the blanket isn’t large enough for an adult which is what I had initially intended it to be for and which the charity needs desperately right now. The blanket is 1m wide and 1.54m long which is suitable for a child/baby but not an adult as an adult blanket is meant to be 1.2m wide x 1.6m high but I didn’t have enough wool to make the blanket wide enough or long enough so I’m a little disappointed in myself. I know that the charity will take it and be able to use it which is good and all but I still feel upset and disappointed in myself despite never knitting the pattern before. I’ve posted my blanket on various Facebook groups and have received great comments about it which should make me feel happy but it doesn’t. I’ve started another blanket by casting on a new set of stitches but this time, I’ve just placed an order for extra wool from Spotlight so I can add a 10cm x 2 strips on the sides and extra wool to make the blanket long enough for an adult. Definition- lesson learnt with the pattern which I’m choosing not to repeat and instead just knit blocks of colour so I don’t do the same pattern and hope it works out better.

I’m just feeling down on myself right now and it’s not a nice feeling to be honest. I’ve got my Apple Music on a Positive music playlist of mine to try and boost my mood up so I’m trying to turn ‘the frown upside down’ as the saying goes. I’m holding off emailing my psychologist as I want to be able to try and rescue myself and rely on my own skills and coping strategies to help me deal with these unhappy feelings. My psychologist can’t rescue me from my feelings and they won’t be around forever to help me with every little drama which is why I’m choosing to deal with these feelings on my own. I’ve spoken to a PARCS worker who said it would make an ideal baby or child blanket and she would know as she’s got kids herself so I trust her opinion. In addition to this, I’ve got to learn to deal with this uncomfortable feeling and realise that this feeling and emotion will pass and I’ll be happy once again. It’s just a matter of working through this set of feelings and emotions knowing full well that the sun will rise again and all will be good soon enough. It’s like my BPD is having a total party at my expense by making me hold onto these uncomfortable feelings and emotions and I for 1 don’t like it! I’ve got to accept that deep down, someone will get comfort and enjoyment out of my blanket and that it is a blanket knitted for a charity that they might otherwise not have gotten so there is some positives in this whole episode. I just really hate my BPD right now for all the trouble that it causes in my life, especially the emotional side of it.

I’m going to go and listen to some music before doing my nightly meditation session at 9pm in the hope of relaxing and coming to accept that whilst I may be disappointed right now, things will improve and get better. At least I achieved my goal of completing the blanket by the end of the weekend and I can now show it to my worker tomorrow when he comes in and the PARCS psychologist on Monday when I see her for a session.

Thanks for reading this entry.

Judi9877💐🧶🌻

Good afternoon to all forumites joining me in the jungle today. @MDT @Former-Member @Appleblossom @TAB @hanami @FloatingFeather @Former-Member @Paperdaisy @Shaz51 @BPDSurvivor @Daisydreamer @Snowie

I hope you are having a great day!

As for me, I’ve been working on a new knitted blanket as I found a strip of 120cm that I knitted a few weeks ago that means I can now knit another 7 strips in various coloured yarn to make an adult blanket of 160cm high which is a positive after feeling a bit disappointed last night of my previous blanket.

Last night, I was able to improve my mood and mental outlook by doing a meditation session at 9pm for 30 minutes and realising that what I did with the blanket was a good thing and still worthy of being given to someone to keep nice and warm, no matter what the size of it. I’ve had some great comments on Facebook from it so that has also boosted my confidence and thoughts on the whole blanket issue which has been a good thing. I realised that the bad and negative feelings would reach a peak on the wave and that they would soon be over and this was true as I did feel better later on.

This morning, I participated in a session at PARCS focusing on things to do when you are depressed that can make you happy and get you active again. The worker provided me with a list of around 400 different activities so I know that I’ll be able to refer to it if I ever get bored at home when I’m released from PARCS on Tuesday which is a good thing.

As for the case manager thing, I’ve got a meet and greet and information session with them tomorrow at 3pm but I’m still a little in the dark as to what to expect as I’ve never had this in my life before. My key worker gave me limited information - pretty pathetic on his behalf to be honest- so I’m still feeling slightly nervous about this whole thing. I just wish someone could give me answers but there’s none forthcoming unfortunately and I hate not knowing what to expect. I’m yet to email my psychologist about this as I feel I should wait until it’s all over and give them the final wrap up of the whole PARCS experience which has improved since I came here nearly 2 weeks ago. I’m just so mixed up it’s not funny and I’m using my knitting to help calm me down and help with the feelings I’m currently experiencing.

Okay. Time to go and have a coffee. Talk later!

Judi9877

Hey @Judi9877,

Always enjoy reading your post - so glad to read you are doing so well with your knitting and getting some great strategies at PARCS. I haven't meditated for a while but you have reminded me that I should start that up again - I also found it helps my mood and mental outlook.

I hope your meeting with your case manager goes well. I get what you mean about feeling a bit nervous when you don't know what to expect. I often feel like that as well.

Hope the day is good to you and look forward to reading how you get on.

Take Care and Best wishes,

FloatingFeather