MDTSenior Contributor
A rough week - coming to terms with the past trauma
I have had a rough week
I have had to come to terms with trauma from my teens. I don't think I have come to terms with it just yet. But I feel that I have started to accept it. For a long time I had denied it. I had also been conscious of over medicalising it.
But I don't believe it is medical to call things trauma. It just is what it is. Trauma doesn't need to be medical.
I must not invalidate my own experience. I must be compassionate to myself. I must ground my compassion in the reality of my own experience. I can't lie to myself and I can't cherry pick or manipulate the truth.
I was emotionally manipulated as a teen by religious people and in particular one man in his 60s who i confided in with regard to very personal things.
This started because of my sister's illness when I was a kid and I had to grow up pretty quickly. I turned into a religious zealot at such a young age and it manipulated my self worth and my self value.
This is something I have come to terms with as I have gotten older.
Healing is always always possible. But having an understanding of what the thing is that has caused me grief or trauma in the past is key. I believe I now have.
I have heard it said that we only really come to terms with things from the past at a later stage - for me it looks like almost 10 years.
I've always been a high functioning person but what I haven't been is high performing. I guess I have answer now - the thing holding me back was never clearly articulated. I booked in to see my psych earlier than i had anticipated since last session.
Its a complex beast and I believe the more i work at understanding it the more i will be able to tame it.
The sun still rises and it sets just the same.
Last week working at the election was interesting because everyone i spoke to there was struggling at some level and had put an end to the things that bought them grief or trouble. I was the same.
I must learn to stop comparing myself to those around me now of a similar age or experience level or whatever. We all have our trauma and our history. It's just that some are more capable of hiding it. OR maybe some are fortunate enough to not have it. I mean its life isn't it? It is what it is.
Compare myself to who i was. That is when true growth begins
