Chance To Participate In A Loneliness Survey

Thank you for sharing @chibam. I saw this survey yesterday and wondered whether it was something that should be shared with the Forums community so I'm glad you brought it to our attention 😊

Hi @chibam

thank you for sharing this. I've seen so many people I know with mental ill health who are lonely. They have families and friends who they've become 'too much' for. it's heartbreaking. Did I read somewhere that in the UK it is such a concern that they have a minister for loneliness? Don't quote me on that but I will look further into that.

hanami 💮

Oh yeah @hanami, right you are! Would like to hear your thoughts on this @chibam and anyone else reading along.

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@Former-Member wrote:

Oh yeah @hanami, right you are! Would like to hear your thoughts on this @chibam and anyone else reading along.

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To be perfectly honest, @Former-Member , as much as I believe having a loneliness minister is an essential step we need to take, I can see it all too easily becoming an empty gesture that accomplishes nothing, while giving the government the politically-valuable illusion of having taken action on this issue.

I've known about the existance of the British loneliness minister for some time, but I'm unaware of whether they've actually achieved anything. It's so easy for these sorts of things to become token gestures.

Edit: There goes my insufferable pessimism again. Pay it no heed.

Morning @chibam,

Such an interesting perspective, thank you for sharing. At first parse I took it as a positive move towards ending isolation, because till recent times I've not been aware of strategies to tackle loneliness beyond say church groups or local council initiatives for elderly folk. But perhaps that is too simplistic, and I think I'm guilty of taking in a lot of information and being short on the time to really unpack the impact of such strategies, and this is where I admire you – I don't perceive your responses in our community to be insufferably pessimistic. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness and counterbalance, and I respect the path you've very clearly walked to get to this position.

I have a question, it's okay if you don't want to answer it...does it feel like insufferable pessimism for you? Is that your lived experience when you sit with these posts, or is it more that you're concerned that might be the impact on the community?

Rhye ☘️

More like insufferable realism, @Former-Member .

If I'm being fair with myself, "pessimism" implies a degree of distortion in one's thinking; imagining worst-case scenarios when it's unreasonable to presume things will play out as such. But I would say my concerns are very rational and fair, based off a balanced considderation of precedent, and the trajectories we are currantly on.

Yes, as you say, I am often concerned with the impact that my negativity might have upon the community. I know what it's like to be trapped with a perpetual misery-guts and it's not a good thing.

This is not who I wanted to be. I wanted to be a source of joy and delight in the world; I wanted to make others laugh and smile, not feel bad. The world needs people like that, but I'm too broken to step up and take on that role. I was pretty crap at it, even when I did have the spirit to give it my best shot.

Now it feels like I'm part of the problem, rather then part of the solution. The few good guys out there now have to clean up my mess, in addition to everyone else's, in order to make life an experiance worth enduring.

Hey @chibam just sent you an email, please look out for it 💛

Thank you for being candid and brave to share your thoughts @chibam. I can relate to what you said re. precendent and trajectories. So much of who we are is a result of where we came from, and in the case where those of us experienced significant trauma growing up and perhaps into early adulthood, that can really shape the lens through which we see the world.

I will admit, having that kind of background myself, it has taken me a lot to share and to trust, whether that be doctors, the "system" or even just people more broadly. They say one bitten twice shy, but when you're covered in scars it can feel unquantifiably "shy". What I've noticed, just my own experience here, is that trust develops with time and is earned, and since I've been willing to put myself out there, knowing I have the skills to weather most storms, I've been rewarded with support, friendship and opportunities for growth. This in turn has helped me build a sense of (old me can't believe I'm writing this...) optimism. That doesn't mean that I'm not occasionally cynical and/or jaded, I'm human, but what I have developed (through a relationship with an amazing therapist) is the space for hope, which I've found to be incredibly protective for ye olde depression too!

I would love you to be a source of joy and delight too, but for you first. You deserve that @chibam, you deserve to feel the hope I believe is possible, even when things can sometimes be cruel out there in the world 💛

If you don't mind me asking another question, I'm wondering what hope might look like for you?

Rhye ☘️

@chibam

I have valued many of your contributions in the forums over a long time. Your posts do have a thought out realism about them that matters. Being positive or negative are simplistic dualistic reductions to the great range and subtle nuance of emotional life. To much positivity can really put me off ... lol ... keep being you.

Thanks, @Paperdaisy , @Former-Member , @Appleblossom . 🤗

I read your email, @Paperdaisy . Thank you. 🙂

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@Former-Member wrote:

If you don't mind me asking another question, I'm wondering what hope might look like for you?

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Wow. Big question, @Former-Member .

I guess it would be news that some corner of the world has begun fixating on making people feel good, instead of feeling bad. A place where the people are fixated more on insuring life is worth experiancing then they are on "making ends meet", "staying safe", and surviving.

News that society is beginning to prioritize building families (i.e. not necessarily biological, but clusters of lifelong close firendships) over it's economy and education standards. News that the systems we rely on to catch us when things don't work out for us are finally going to stop farting around having endless conferances about the blindingly obvious, and guinea-pigging vulnerable people with "evidance based treatments", and instead simply give these people the lives their asking for.