Depression has robbed me of so much

Hey @blackswan

Thank you for sharing, and unfortunately for you and a lot of people, Depression can be a hard curse to shake. I can't tell you what you are meant to do now, but i can ask you, what does your gut tell you that you need to do?

Hey @blackswan

I have experienced that black depression for many years. It was so bad that I literally went to bed and slept 18+ hours a day for 2 years. Eventually I went to hospital and demanded that they change my medication because I just was not functional. I am so sorry that you are feeling like life is not worth living. All you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other and hoping that things improve over time. This is not something that you can just snap out of - it takes time. Be patient with yourself and try to start doing things that bring you any kind of joy. I would suggest sitting out in the sun for 20minutes a day if and when you can. I really hope that you start feeling a bit better soon.

Meggle

Hi and welcome, @blackswan , it's good you've joined.

I can really relate to your feelings of never-ending depression, I've had it most of my life. I once spent 3 years in bed with severe depression and SI (suicidal ideation). Thankfully I am out of that now.

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@blackswan wrote:

Actually that's not true, I've stopped trying. I feel like effort just leads to more disappointment. I'm so close to giving up entirely because I've dealt with this pain and been stuck in this state for so long. I'm not getting any better, no one has answers for me, nothing I have tried has worked (and I've tried a LOT of therapies/strategies/drugs). What am I meant to do now??

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I don't think you've stopped trying entirely, as you've signed up here and are asking the question, "What can I do?"

I would like to encourage you to keep trying different meds and the therapy...the reason is that I finally found meds and a psychologist that worked for me, and haven't had any SI for 13 years now, only depression that's attached to S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I know that I needed a much stronger anti-depressant, after the 3 years in bed, and also have found a lot of healing from my childhood trauma through therapy.

Depression is worst, in my opinion, as it robs you of hope and makes every single other thing you do intensely difficult or impossible. 😞 I have 6 MIs (mental illnesses), but depression is the one I really fear.

I hope you can find some connections and like-minded people here on the forums...

And a handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

Hi Blackswan

Welcome to the forums. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and tell your story so you should be proud of yourself. While you might not feel strong right now, there is indeed strength in asking for support.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling so much right now. I can sense that overwhelming feeling of exhaustion from trying to solder on. I'm wondering if you see a counsellor or psychologist right now? You could also speak to one of Sane counsellors on our helpline here .

Sending hugs and keep reaching out.

hanami 💮

Thanks for the advice @AussieRecharger! I'm so inside my head that it's hard to tune into my gut.. and my mind only offers destructive solutions ☹️ Hopefully I find some clarity soon 🙏

Wow I'm so sorry to hear your experience with depression @Oaktree but it's comforting to know that other people know what deep depression feels like. No one in my life (to my knowledge) has experienced anything close to my mental health struggles which can be really isolating. Thanks for reminding me to be patient, I get frustrated at myself for not being "normal" and"functional" but beating myself up about it just makes my depression worse.

It sounds like you have come out on the other side which is really encouraging to hear 😊

Thanks for your advice and sharing your story @NatureLover. It gives me some hope to know that you were able to recover from suicidal ideation with the right meds and therapy. I'd given up on meds and therapy, resigning myself to the view that I have treatment-resistant depression but if I'm being honest I haven't tried everything nor have I committed to any treatment prescription for very long.

I'm so glad you found something that works for you. Hopefully I can find the patience, resilience and self-worth to trial different treatments till I find something that works for me. I know everyone is different and what works for you might not work for me but if you have any suggestions or strategies for managing depression I'd love to hear them.

Hi @blackswan , thanks for your response...

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@blackswan wrote:

I'd given up on meds and therapy, resigning myself to the view that I have treatment-resistant depression but if I'm being honest I haven't tried everything nor have I committed to any treatment prescription for very long.

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Sending wishes for strength and hope as you try different things...also patience, resilience and self-worth, as you mentioned those things...

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@blackswan wrote:

...if you have any suggestions or strategies for managing depression I'd love to hear them.

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A strange little tip that made a difference to me was when my mum gave me some multi-vitamins at the end of my 3-year nervous breakdown. My diet was so poor for the 3 years I spent in bed that this was the start of me coming out of the severe depression. Maybe your diet is better than mine was, but I thought I'd mention it.

Another more recent tip - I don't know if you also have the S.A.D. depression like me - Seasonal Affective Disorder, which can be either winter or summer depression - but a light therapy box helps my winter depression.

The other thing that helps me to get through is distraction. For me it's getting lost in a book. (No doubt you already have distraction techniques)

I found that all the general recommendations didn't work for me - like exercise, going out to socialise, joining a club or class, taking up a new hobby or craft, etc. etc. The reason was that my depression was too severe to even get out of bed. It made me mad how misinformed people kept suggesting these things! So please ignore any of my suggestions that aren't helpful.

Hows things now @blackswan ?

Thanks for checking in @AussieRecharger! I’ve had a really emotionally exhausting but cathartic week. After having a breakdown last weekend I decided I really needed to leave my new job which was a toxic environment for me. I wrestled with all those feelings of failure and beating myself up for being “weak” for quitting so early but also feel a huge sense of relief.

Having not had a proper break from work and study for years I think I’m going to take a month off to focus on my mental health 🙂

And how are you travelling?