🏳️‍🌈 IDAHOBIT 2022 – Week Long Discussion 🏳️‍🌈

Hey there @MDT,

So nice to see you stopping by here and to kick the conversation off 😊

Your question is a really great one, and it's got me thinking too – in a sense, in a perfect world, it shouldn't be news if a footballer is gay, I mean that's his business and what's the difference how he identifies as we are all human. That's one argument/way to look at it.

As someone who technically fits under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella, I don't feel entirely comfortable with labels because for me it's far more fluid and nuanced than that (which probably has me sitting in the pansexual category I guess) and I don't tend to "out" myself as such because I don't really feel like there is anything to "out". That's just me though, I know for many others it's super important to present to the world as their authentic self, to demonstrate pride in their identity and to raise awareness around the issues the LGBTQIA+ community face.

If we think about all the young LGBTQIA+ identifying peeps out there who are struggling to find support amongst their families, friends and community, then a high profile sportsperson coming out can help to normalise their feelings and experiences, and provide hope that there is a place in the world where they will be met with love and kindness. So from that perspective it's incredibly powerful that Jake Daniels took the stance he did and that news outlets are showing him support.

Would love to hear your thoughts @MDT, and those of anyone else reading along 😊

Our discussion starters for Wednesday are...

What are the issues you're currently facing as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community? How does this impact your health and wellbeing?

And/or what supports have you found have been most helpful?

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I'll go first 😊

I'm not sure that I'm personally experiencing any issues as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community in the present, though it feels like I am. Let me explain – growing up I experienced a lot of homophobia from my peers and the community at large and I suspect that has shaped my expectations of how people may react. So a recent example of this was when I was house hunting with my partner and I was concerned that my same-sex relationship status may impact whether we would be selected as tenants. Apparently it didn't, we were offered the tenancy and moved in last week, but it's the not knowing...not knowing how we will be received in different situations because there have been many times where it was obvious we were "other" and at best don't fit in (at worst subject to abuse).

Sharing this story with others as an example of how things that happen in the past have the potential to shape how you view the world today, and sometimes it takes a little work, and a whole lot of allyship, to undo 🌈

Tagging our beaut members who shared their support on the first thread: @Clawde @MDT @NatureLover @Krishna @Patchworks @TideisTurning @Former-Member @TheVorticon @greenspace

I feel like I can see what you're saying @MDT- in terms of it 'shouldn't be news', the way I understand it is the coming out or being part of the LGBTQIA+ community shouldn't necessarily seem so out of the ordinary that it makes the news... But, as you said, it still is news... Things are changing though. The story and response to Jake Daniels is one example I find encouraging and hopeful. There's also this example of two reality contestants who came out at different times reflecting on the different responses they received. That suggests to me there is movement and progress.

I love the way you've framed it though @Former-Member, in terms of having visible examples to help validate and normalise experiences, particularly where there may've been negative experiences and discrimination, and feelings like anxiety and fear that can arise (understandably so) as a result. I don't know that there are words adequate to describe the importance and impact of seeing and knowing of other people like you out there. It shows you you're not alone on another level that only shared lived/ living experience, such as being part of the LGBTQIA+ community, can.

I will stand with and support as much as I can, but I know there are limits to the level of support I can give and the depth of understanding I will have when I am standing as a supporter/ ally as opposed to a fellow member of the community. I think that it can be important to have both supporters/ allies and fellow members because they can provide different things.

I believe allyship is a huge part of the healing process @TideisTurning, both within ones self and the greater community. To have people stand beside you is incredibly powerful 💙💛❤️💚💜

Just on the back of what you've said @Former-Member, I also feel the anxiety over potential discrimination from other people, services, or broader society. For example, even just being in the back of an uber with my partner (who is also queer & trans), being physically affectionate always makes me tense because I have no idea how the driver might react. Whether its overt verbal harassment or refusal of service, or something more subtle like downvoting the passenger rating for no other reason. If anyone reads this and thinks "surely in this day and age, noone would do something like that" - they do and they have, unfortunately.

I feel like I could write a massive list of wellbeing-impacting issues I face due to my identities 😅 Only to begin with: constant misgendering (mostly from people who don't know me); the financial burden of gender affirming care (and how difficult it can be to access); how the gender pay gap will impact both my partner and me; how I can't speak the language of my ancestors (including travelling or living there) without psychological harm because there's a rigid gender binary within the language itself, meaning I'd have to constantly misgender myself; alienation from a lot of people including family from anticipated lack of acceptance; that the mental health of the queer and trans people in my life are often in tatters, and we have alarmingly high rates of suicide...

I say these things to give an honest indication of how much work there is to go.

But in terms of helpful supports, it always comes back to community for me 🌈

If I don't feel safe or comfortable in a mainstream event or environment, being in a space by/for the LGBTIAQ+ community will always make me feel safe and comfortable. Actually, that's just the minimum!- they also make me feel thrilled, confident, and valued ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜

Also, as much as I can turn to community for safety and acceptance, I also need to state the value of people who defy expectations (when I worry about rejection) and respond with acceptance instead, and do active work towards learning and advocacy. We need the active support of allies, otherwise we won't be able to achieve what we need to (tying back to the issues above).

🌻

Big thank you to all who've taken part in the discussion thus far!

Our discussion starters for Thursday are...

Can you share a story of ally ship that has touched or changed you in some way? I.e. in the workplace, family, the Forums etc.

And/or what does a healthy, supportive, relationship look like for you?


@Former-Member @TideisTurning @MDT @greenspace @Clawde @hanami @Krishna @NatureLover @Patchworks @TheVorticon

This is such an important topic and I've loved reading all the comments and ideas. I've not loved so much that members of the LGBTQIA+ community have that anxiety around discrimination, but it honestly doesn't surprise me. You just have to look to the current election where some of the issues affecting this community have been used as a political football. And then there's the religious discrimination bill...don't get me started on that. I long for the day where people can be more accepting of ways of life that are different to theirs. I often wonder why it's so hard.

As for allyship, someone very close to me identifies as part of the LGBTQIA+ community and they tell me that it's just little things I can do to show my support. For example the very simple act of sharing supportive posts on social media or asking questions about language and ideas around the community that are new to me. ❤️🌈🏳️‍🌈🌈🏳️‍🌈❤️