ChristheartSenior Contributor
Struggling to keep going
Hey. I really don't want to just be remembered as a sad story. I just want to live a normal life.
Mental illness is fighting and struggling to get through every single day.
It's so exhausting?
I went to a trivia night Friday night, I live with my mum (I'm 27) and she asked me to go. I was really anxious the whole time, I didn't know how to make charming small talk like all the other people. I saw some of the cool kids from my highschool, it was like a bad dream? Why am I doomed to be awkward, shy and anxious forever? Why am I so dim ? Why has my medication stopped working?
When will God put an end to my misery and take my away from this confusing difficult world? I feel like such a failure, I'm worried that soon I won't be able to manage going to work. Why can't I stop thinking, obsessing over my failures?
I don't want to be a sad story, I hate sad stories. I love happiness, and joy, and laughter. It's so hard to keep forcing positive thoughts into your mind manually, because if I let my guard down for a second it becomes completely undone, and I become totally insane, obsessing, obsessing, obsessing.
The only thing that recently made me feel less alone were reading other people's stories in the forums.
I hope I feel better soon. I hope my mind is brighter tomorrow.