Made to feel silly for trying to prevent worsening symptoms

Dear dear @maddison ,

You have done all the right things and you have a heart of gold.

I hear how upsetting and frustrating this can be for someone who is trying to do the best by their friend.

I’d encourage you to reach out to triage again if things are getting out of hand tonight. In all honesty, I think the system is delaying admission because they know you are there to monitor things, and although he seems to be worse, he is not yet a ‘major danger’.

I wish the system acted on prevention rather than cure. Unfortunately, the crisis teams don’t do this, but rather focus on episodic care - taking only the most ‘unwell’.

At this time, take each moment by moment. I’d encourage you to reach out to supports for your own self-care, and please call 000 if you feel you are in immediate danger/risk at any point of time.

My heart goes out to you,

tyme

Thankyou @tyme

I really needed some support. It's a lot.

You made me cry.

I understand where you are coming from & it helped to understand how they prioritise their system.

As sad and hopeless as I feel, it is not me that loses, it is people who need it most. I don't know how to change that.

I hear you @maddison .

With all this investment going into mental health, I hope we will see a shift in how things currently work.

There are people crying out for a case manager. There are people crying out to be heard. There are people unable to get treatment based on locality or finances. This is the reality of what we are faced with.

I’m with you in wanting to see this change.

Hugs, tyme

It is really hard and really horrible watch someone you care about on the verge of getting VERY unwell. @maddisonNo question.

I have also been less than impressed by some crisis team interventions ... they have changed their name recently????

I realise resources are stretched, prevention is worth it.

It is almost like they want to push it back on "the community" which seems like a nice thing to do except when the community is also vulnerable, and the person does not have a well developed support group around them ... which is usually the case.

Thinking of you @maddison

Thankyou @Appleblossom @tyme

Yes crisis team are called Ittensive Assesment Team now.

They were here few minutes ago to give him some sleep medication & will be back tomorrow.

I hadn't planned on it, but after an inappropriate comment by one of, I ended up telling them everything.

I kept my composure & did my best to stand up for myself. I told them that they were failing him and I. They were so arrogant trying to school me on how I should behave around him. I said, "you are going to tell me how to care for him, when you won't even take him to hospital?' 'i am trying to prevent him getting sicker.'

Honestly, they were not interested in anything I had to say. I think they were embarrassed.

They kept saying "ok, thankyou' trying to get away as fast as they could. Amongst the drama, my housemate started to raise his voice. It was more obvious now, how unwell he was presenting. I said to them, " he needs to be hospitalised' they ignored me!

I am very emotional at moment.

Yes @Appleblossom it is pushed backed on to me for now. I also have his Mum in my corner & she is great support. And SANE members🙂

I don't know if my expressing of disappointment did anything tonight @tyme Maybe they will label me as the 'crazy carer', maybe they will have second thoughts when assessing their next patient? It's all i could do for tonight. I know it's a system that needs repairing / replacement, for the moment we are all cogs in the wheel and my actions won't change that, maybe it changed our little household for now. 💜

@maddison

I hope they listen and take him and you seriously in the long run ... and tmrw is better. Maybe it is a win for you expressing yourself, and the outcome is on them.

By not taking action they can contribute to the erosion of his informal supports, including you.

So the best thing I can say, is get out of the house, give him a it of space, and extra self care for you. It is extra hard when it is in the house,

If you can get through with your housemate when he is more open to it , let him know you do care, but at a loss. That he had packed, may be a sign he is gaining insight and will slowly be able to take more positive actions for himself. That they did not accept him, might be a sign for him to believe in his own resilience. The cycles dont always repeat themselves exactly.

I'm so sorry, not right it is intentional I feel that they make ppl feel crazy to sort of make ppl back away. Ur words matter and Ur opinion of Ur close friend of over 20 years...is likely accurate. I'm really sorry they didn't believe u.

Hey @maddison ,

You showed your love and care for your friend by speaking out. That takes bravery.

Let’s get through tonight and see what tomorrow brings. You’ve had a stressful few days.

If your friend is settled for the evening, do you think you’ll be able to get some rest yourself?

Sitting with you,

tyme

Thankyou @Appleblossom I never really *expressed myself like that. I'm feeling very awkward about it now! I also know that I am overtired & emotional.

I like the perspectives you have given me. I'm really in it at the moment, & objectivity is lacking. i had not considered that the onus is now on them. Perhaps it is good for them to have clearer idea of the impact, their apparent inaction is having.

Thankyou so much for taking interest, and support. It gives me so much. I really do appreciate that you have taken time to reach out to me.

I am open to cycles shifting. I understand that in any time in mental health care must be difficult. The professionals have their reasons that I am not privy too. I have not lost my sense of trust in that respect.

I believe he has gained insight over the years, although he has always packed at the first talk of hospital being mentioned, it's one of his quirks, so to speak, a way to feel as prepared as possible for any likely outcome. I think it gives him a sense of safety.

That I care for him, at a loss is certainly something I had not really considered consciously in regards to happenings such as today. His self esteem & worth is profoundly damaged, likely partly due to the inadequacies he feels connected to his diagnosis. Although, you would not know it, as he comes across as competent. I guess that's partly why I feel strong need to advocate for him. He is someone easily overlooked as coping, even by me.

Thankyou @Appleblossom

@maddison

It can be really hard to know what to do, when to escalate support and when it will be alright to hunker in and pull through on your own.

The down sides of diagnosis are real. Yet they are part of accessing support.

Yes some people seem to function pretty well, even though they carry mental health burdens.

Hope you both get decent rest tonight.