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Does a diagnosis make you feel more lonely?

toodlesSenior Contributor06 May 2022, 6:28 pm AEST

Does a diagnosis make you feel more lonely?

Hello All,

i hope you’re well & have something to look forward to on the weekend.

i have a question. Up until I had a major breakdown that required hospitalisation in my late 30s I never knew there was something ‘wrong’ with me. I never knew that others didn’t experience the dangers I sensed in the world around me (in my case complex PTSD), went through the highs and lows (bipolar) or experiences social anxiety, are autistic or gender diverse. My world had always been like that. I agree with all the unhealthy or hurtful coping strategies I had or still sometimes have, but all my life I just wanted to be like everybody else and I’m not. I know normal is a cycle on the washing machine… The diagnosis (I know that’s probably what just made me more aware of it) makes me feel more lonely and I still find it hard to be ‘mentally disabled’. I lost a large part of my identity when I was declared unfit to work. I know we all carry our own stories. It still gob smacks me when someone enquires with a set of questions how my mental well being has been in the past two weeks, and I have to answer ‘most of the time or all of the time’ because that’s just what my life is like? It’s the same with autism, I’ve lived on the spectrum all my life so yea it impacts me more or less through any two week cycle. Yes I’ve hurt and attempted to suicide in the past, but I survived - isn’t that sign enough of being normal (well I was lucky with my attempts, I agree on that). I just don’t understand why the monitoring is so much on the neurotypical and non trauma informed side. It makes me feel horrible when someone asks ‘have you had thoughts of hurting yourself’ in the past 2 weeks and I sit there and think, doesn’t anyone else?!? It still makes me feel like ‘I’m’ doing something wrong but I don’t know any different and that makes me sad.

Have you felt like this before?

5 replies

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In response to: Does a diagnosis make you feel more lonely?

tymeModerator06 May 2022, 6:46 pm AEST

Re: Does a diagnosis make you feel more lonely?

Hey @toodles !

Thanks for your post! I think many people can relate to what you have posted. Certainly, the clinical side of the world sees neurotypicals as perhaps "not normal" and in the past, it was working to 'fix' the abnormality.

IN the past few years, there has been a big push to embrace and celebrate differences, rather than 'fix' people. I absolutely agree with inclusion, trauma-informed, stregnths-based practices, but I'm afraid it takes time for a revolution in terms of this culture shift amongst our entire health system and society in general.

As for suicidal ideation, I'm one who lives with these daily. Does it stop me from loving life? No. Does it make me feel any less normal? At first yes, but I've learnt that that is part of me.

If anything, I celebrate and appreciate being 'different' or not so normal. I enjoy bringing fresh ideas to the table. I enjoy sharing my experiences.

I hope you will find a space that can see through any labelling, to find the qualities you posses.

Being 'different' does not make you abnormal.

Kindest,

tyme

In response to: Re: Does a diagnosis make you feel more lonely?

toodlesSenior Contributor06 May 2022, 7:04 pm AEST

Re: Does a diagnosis make you feel more lonely?

Hi @tyme

thank you for your response. I’m sad you’ve felt like this before but it’s nice to see that you feel ok about being different. i think I still struggle with that idea because people employed and liked me the way I was until I became unwell, but I’d always been like that and they never noticed so when did i become a problem? And I feel awkward meeting new people because I haven’t had a ‘normal’ life in the past few years and I don’t want to say I’m mentally disabled because I look fine and others don’t know how much I’ve been in hospital and they wouldn’t understand why. I just think it’s really odd to feel more included when I’m in a psych hospital than in the real world.

i understand change takes time. A lot of people are running out of time though. The inquest I’m Tasmania upsets me and the article from Adam last weekend. There’s so much that needs to change NOW to protect innocent children 😞 and people still haven’t figured that out and they still don’t stop wars. I don’t understand that. Sorry for the rant 😞

In response to: Re: Does a diagnosis make you feel more lonely?

tymeModerator06 May 2022, 7:07 pm AEST

Re: Does a diagnosis make you feel more lonely?

I hear you @toodles .

Adjusting to change is the hardest for us and the system.

I hope things will change for the better.

Sitting in hope,

tyme

In response to: Re: Does a diagnosis make you feel more lonely?

creative_writerSenior Contributor06 May 2022, 8:42 pm AEST

Re: Does a diagnosis make you feel more lonely?

@toodles I’ve been on bipolar medication for some time now, I’ve had social anxiety, maybe I still have it? Idk. I don’t really like interacting with people much, just because trauma makes it hard for me to trust and feel safe. Sometimes it can feel very overwhelming. I also feel as though I’m doing something wrong. I feel as though everyone is so happy with their life, while I’m sitting here on the mend. You’re definitely not alone. Many of us are struggling.

In response to: Does a diagnosis make you feel more lonely?

HistoryloverSenior Contributor07 May 2022, 2:05 pm AEST

Re: Does a diagnosis make you feel more lonely?

When I've been asked if I have had thoughts of hurting myself, @toodles, I want to ask them–do you give a damn, or are you just filling in a form because you have lost your connection to your inner humanity? Just going through the motions of doing 'your job', and feeling lucky you're sitting in your chair and not mine. Giving a damn about others and doing your best to help is what it is to be human. Who cares if it's a heavy load to carry. It keeps our humanity alive.

I'd say–forget about the ongoing reports and diagnoses. Just concentrate on which direction you want your life to go and finding a way to get there, developing your inner resources and potential. And have fun with it. Cheers.

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