Longtime BPD sister; how to help myself?

"But I suppose my question is how can you help someone learn about their own condition and how to manage it if they have no desire to change their life as their every need is being met?"

I don't think you can, they have to own that they want to improve (work on themselves).

If you want to keep pursuing ways to help then I suggest reaching out to the sane helpline, they could find some information about support groups for family in your area. Not sure they will be able to provide the solution you are asking for necessarily. but both sane and the groups may be able to help you in dealing with her, how they set boundaries and look after themselves in a similar situation.

Hey @theurbanfarmer This sounds like a really stressful situation and I can hear the desperation in your words. In my experience, it's very difficult to help someone who doesn't want help. I'm wondering if you have anyone you can talk to about this? It sounds like you really care about your sister but we all have limitations, and it sounds like you are reaching yours and that's fair and reasonable given what you are dealing with. Would a psychologist be able to help you understand this condition more, set boundaries and be able to move forward with your own life?

Please take care,

Paperdaisy

Thank you @Bipolarcarer for your response. I will take your advice for sure and continue looking for a support group in my area, and see what the hotline has to offer. Thanks again for your support

Hey @Paperdaisy , thanks for your support. You’re correct in that my limit has been reached time and time again, hence why I’m at this stage. I have my own psychologist who has been helping me try to navigate my relationships in life to be less one sided, but due to the nature of BPD it’s a very difficult one to approach and I am at a loss how it could even be possible. I really feel like she enjoys and thrives off the way she lives and treats others. Any attempt from me to place boundaries results in emotional blackmail so I’m at a loss as to how to set any boundaries. I don’t want to have zero relationship with her but the emotional blackmail is just too much. Thanks again for your response

Hiya,

First of all, I want to say I totally understand how you feel - I'm my brother's full-time carer and have gone a long time feeling the exact way you do. He has multiple personality disorders and acts in the same way as what you're describing. I want to let you know you're not alone, and I know how hard it is! I feel for you.

I recently read a book called 'Stop Caretaking the Borderline Or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get on with Life' by Margalis Fjelstad - it was a complete game-changer and really did get me started on changing both mine, and my brothers' life. I highly recommend you read this (or listen on Audible like I did), it gave me more help than anything I've ever tried and I think that it would really impact you and your situation in a positive way.

Thinking of you and good luck!

Thanks for your reply @solarlemon , it saddens me to think others are in the same boat stuck in the hard place between caring so much but also feeling incredibly challenged. I super appreciate the recommendation, its definitely a book I'll be looking into. I love to read anyways and have been looking to find books on this sort of subject that would be able to help.

Again thanks for your response and I really hope both your brother and yourself can continue moving forwards in a positive light! 🙂