FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

Wobbly and exhausted

CatiepillerContributor

Wobbly and exhausted

I'm feeling a bit wobbly at the moment. I have good days where I want to change the world and then bad days where I would give anything to just disappear from it. I experienced childhood sexual and emotional abuse but never told anyone for 30+ years. That was 2 years ago now. I guess when I started this part of my journey I thought there would be a time when I would feel ok again but I almost feel worse. Whilst no one else knew what had happened I was able to put up my walls and pretend things were OK but now the walls have crashed down around my feet and the real me is there for all to see. I'm finding my job very triggering at the moment. The stress quickly overwhelms me but I'm both scared to move on (as I know I am supported more than I deserve where I am) and I'm scared to stay (because the bad days terrify me, I feel so unpredictable). I still have another month to wait before I can go back to therapy, it's going to be such a long month! I feel so hurt, so wounded. My abuser dies a few years ago. It just feels like I'm the only one paying for the choices he made. I feel like I'm stuck like this forever, stuck on a roller-coaster without being strapped in, just expected to hold on the best I can until I cant hold on anymore. It's exhausting 😔

4 replies

1 - 4 of 4
1

In response to: Wobbly and exhausted

NatureLoverSenior Contributor

Re: Wobbly and exhausted

Hi @Catiepiller , I want to acknowledge your great bravery in telling about your childhood abuse, well done 🙂

@Catiepiller wrote:

I feel like I'm stuck like this forever, stuck on a roller-coaster without being strapped in, just expected to hold on the best I can until I cant hold on anymore. It's exhausting 😔

I want to say, you will get there... I've had a lot of healing from my childhood (actually lifelong) abuse, through therapy once a month for many years. But it did take many years.

In the meantime, I hope your good days outweigh your bad days...

In response to: Re: Wobbly and exhausted

CatiepillerContributor

Re: Wobbly and exhausted

Thank you @NatureLover, I guess I just need to readjust my grip for now and do my best to hold on tight x

In response to: Wobbly and exhausted

3lsieNew Contributor

Re: Wobbly and exhausted

I came out about being a CSA survivor three years ago (I was 30), which was when CBT finally started working for me. I find IFS waaaay more helpful though. If you’re still reliving the past, consider EMDR. It’s worth hanging in there! I’m now someone who can (mostly) express myself very well and I like the life I’m currently living. I’ve been med-free for years now and all the side effects have nearly worn off. I’m the kind of person I never thought I could be - like I was too damaged to ever get this far. The journey wasn’t easy but was definitely worth it!

In response to: Re: Wobbly and exhausted

CatiepillerContributor

Re: Wobbly and exhausted

Thanks @3lsie ,

My journey has been turbulent. I can be ok one day and then unable to get out of bed the next. Some days it just hurts to breath. I don't have many friends... comes as a result of pushing everyone away my whole life and although I have family, I have limited support around me and even less understanding. I have been doing therapy regularly for the last 2 years. I've also done group therapy, DBT and ACT. I agree that IFS was very helpful. If I have flashbacks I'm now able to either comfort my younger self or remove her from the situations. Somehow I've developed a fear of failure, it is having major impacts on my work life especially. I'm so exhausted from the constant up and down, riding the waves, trying to survive. I wish it wasn't this hard x

1 - 4 of 4
1

SANE Forums is published by SANE with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health.

SANE Forums does not provide crisis support.
If you need immediate assistance, please see available crisis services.

Learn more about SANE and SANE services at sane.org

Back to top
SANE logo
Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care NSQDMH Accreditation logo

Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

Donate Now
Aboriginal flag
Torres Strait Islander flag
LGBT flag
Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

Back to top
SANE logo
Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care NSQDMH Accreditation logo

Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

Donate Now
Aboriginal flag
Torres Strait Islander flag
LGBT flag
Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

SANE is a public company limited by guarantee and registered tax-exempt charity with DGR (Deductible Gift Recipient) status.

Charity ABN 92 006 533 606. Donations of $2 or more are tax deductible. SANE, PO Box 1226, Carlton VIC 3053.