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Keeping going 'tis hard

BastSenior Contributor04 Oct 2016, 8:24 pm AEDT

Keeping going 'tis hard

It feels like forever since I added a post, I hope that my remarks may be of use to some. I have been so busy with dis-proving (again) the diagnosis routine and have had the police and the ambulance service involved. This is not their fault - I rang BB for support and the outcome was not really gorgeous. I was given a copy of the ambulance report whilst in ED - according to the report i was smelly, uncooperative and aggresive.

Simply - I WAS NOT. It is awful to be treated in such a mannner when I maintain that I behaved appropriately regardless. I understand that the AO were very young, however to be given the report at the ED certainly suggests a sound reason to complain. At least I was treated as a normal human being by the police and the ED staff.

I have ceased the meds AGAIN and in 2 days and know that my mood is pretty unstable, I am agitated, stressed and very busy being worried.

I am trying to prove AGAIN that I am perfectly fine and there is no problem...............what the?

Regards BAST

15 replies

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In response to: Keeping going 'tis hard

KurraSenior Contributor04 Oct 2016, 9:29 pm AEDT

Re: Keeping going 'tis hard

In my opinion this part of the process of learning to accept a diagnosis. I did the same about 3 times before the penny dropped. What can you learn from this current experience and the previous encounter with the ambos, police and the hospital @Bast?

In response to: Re: Keeping going 'tis hard

BastSenior Contributor04 Oct 2016, 10:08 pm AEDT

Re: Keeping going 'tis hard

Hi Kurra

Thank you for your reply - yep the learning stuff 'tis really hard. Like you I am now up to the magic no. 3 although I continue to question the need for meds and the efficacy. I spend a massive amount of time researching endlessly, are they right or worng? Or it it just me, because I am fine and dnady despite the symptoms and the ongoing need to not be around.

Do you think I should just go ahead and trust the stuff? Regardless of the SE's and all of the anti-reasons I have dredged up. I wonder also is this a reflection of my bodgy MH status and question that my reality is really tainted.

Lotsa luv Bast

In response to: Keeping going 'tis hard

KurraSenior Contributor04 Oct 2016, 11:06 pm AEDT

Re: Keeping going 'tis hard

@Bast
This is a conclusion that only you can work out however I finally had to admit that I had a better life when taking meds than without them. I have no idea how many times the police had to take over and get me help. Frankly I don't want to know.

I will happily take medz for the rest of my life. I actually have a good life now and I'm not trading that for all the money in the world!

Luv n hugs.

In response to: Re: Keeping going 'tis hard

BastSenior Contributor05 Oct 2016, 7:28 pm AEDT

Re: Keeping going 'tis hard

Hi Kurra

This time a major thank you for your reply - it resonates positvely. I have no idea what does or does not work for me - perhaps that says it all. I tend to think that I am the most annoying patient/client in existance because of my background and current knowledge base. However........Perhaps it is time to acknowledge that the hypergirl mode and unfortunately also arrogantly knowledeable is allowing me to misbehave - big time.

Although I did at least try meds (sorta) last night and had a really rocky night, meaning I don't know about tomorrow. Duh......Perhaps the lesson learnt is to give it another shot in the am. I am so glad that you have found stability and gotten through some really difficult dtuff from the sounds of it. My own irony is I was pretty stable - I just needed the variation more than the nobody is home (Zombie) quality. I also cannot stand the weight gain as this makes me hate myself more.

It is all so hard to keep going - I so would like to know what to do as I certainly can't make a decision.

Lotsa Luv

Bast

In response to: Keeping going 'tis hard

KurraSenior Contributor05 Oct 2016, 10:47 pm AEDT

Re: Keeping going 'tis hard

I would go back to the psychiatrist and fess up what you've done and how it has worked out for you. There's a lot of different meds available and some are more suitable than others on a case by case basis. You might ask the doc if he/she could try another one that might have a lesser zombie effect on you. Perhaps ask about the SSRIs available.

It will probably take a while to become stable again and sometimes going back on the same one doesn’t work as well second time round. It depends on so many different factors and there's commonly different responses to meds from person to person.

See what the doc reckons. 🎶💕🎶

In response to: Re: Keeping going 'tis hard

BastSenior Contributor05 Oct 2016, 11:53 pm AEDT

Re: Keeping going 'tis hard

Hi Kurra

I really like your recommendations and support. Unfortunately 'tis a bit more difficult than that. I have been doing the snri thing (mega) for about 7 years - guess what they totally pooped out. During that time the dose just went higher and higher - me I got to be 'sooky la la' repeatedly with minor breaks in between. Some of those breaks were pretty fabulous AKA hyperchick mode

I then cop utterly soul destroying bullying - the org successfully denies. Interestingly I end up seeking concilliation and the org. has to pay for 8 pdoc sessions, plus a little recompense for me. The pdoc experiments by titrating down, trialling a SSRI - I developed a severe allergy (swolen mouth and can't breathe stuff) And then .....the AP begins - the initial attempts led to wow out of control agitation and round 3 turned into nobody home, Zombie mode. I end up doing the S thing on 4 attempts and (still not sure) alive.

I receive another MS on top of the rest and last week I carried on that I needed help.(which I received) I am very busy thinking about this and am so glad that this site exists and good people respond.

Lotsa luv Bast

In response to: Keeping going 'tis hard

KurraSenior Contributor06 Oct 2016, 12:14 am AEDT

Re: Keeping going 'tis hard

Forgive me if I'm suffering a senior moment but have you been given any diagnosis?
Luv n Hugs 💕

In response to: Re: Keeping going 'tis hard

BastSenior Contributor06 Oct 2016, 1:58 am AEDT

Re: Keeping going 'tis hard

Hi Kurra

No senior moments for you - lucky person. I have glorious tidings regarding my diagnosis - just fabulous stuff, just a spot of recalcitrant and therefore unremitting MD or ambiguously as telling me anything might really scare me - just a spot of PD.

I am utterly convinced though, that I have an out of contol case of BD 2. How would I know though, I am only the pateint.

Lotsa luv Bast

In response to: Keeping going 'tis hard

KurraSenior Contributor06 Oct 2016, 10:04 am AEDT

Re: Keeping going 'tis hard

Good morning @Bast
Well you've got me with MD and PD! I suspect that we may have a similar knowledge base which allows me to apply any number of interpretations to these shorthand terms.

It's not uncommon to receive a variety of diagnoses in the MH arena. Not all are necessarily correct as they can only be based on the presenting symptoms at the time and your oral history.

What components or your experiences have l resulted in feeling that you have BP2? If the doc hasn't seen evidence or symptoms of the super chick this may well have been missed.

Have a fabulous day as I will with a couple of days off! Maybe I'll even get the grass (can't call a tamed paddock lawn) mowed.......maybe. ....
Luv n Hugzzz 💕

In response to: Re: Keeping going 'tis hard

BastSenior Contributor07 Oct 2016, 7:26 pm AEDT

Re: Keeping going 'tis hard

Hi Kurra

I hope that the green stuff taming went well - makes me actually consider what is 'grass' really anyway, a freshly mown lawn that has no nasty weeds or anything and leaf by leaf can be measured? For me my small 'green thing' is an achievement - went from very contemporary stylised granite surrounds to the success of turning things green. Lots of spading and wheelbarrowing to make it happen, however success is now mine. I am utterly rapt with the clover growth, bees aplenty in the suburbs.

Good to respond to your question - how much have I had to cover up to avoid the ultimate fear - locked away in a MH ward! And........ yes now have enjoyed??? the experience on 2 delightful occasions this year. This is well and truly necessary to be sublimated. I sincerely thank you for your acknowledgements of understanding my terminology - many people are obviously just informed the minimum also. Not quite meeting the standards or the ethical requirements of global pdoc requirements.

I have always had to be really reserved, any questions previously regarding hyperchick mode, have been met with denial.

For me, a break from the sooky la la is a total bonus. However the breaks are few and far between nowdays - to describe the experiences is to remember good times. Yeah ha, fabo. party on. I was able to communicate with anyone, I was able to race around at work constantly, (Bugger this would get notived) I was able to come home and achieve really amazing things and I wasn't tired. I just get more and more creative - luv the drive and the enthusiasm to 'do stuff' Sure is much better than the anhedonia which makes me just surrender with no sense of accomplishment. This I miss most of all - at least I was someone when things actually happended.

I know that trying to discuss it formally will be very hard - just a tiny bit of fear about the potential outcome and I am probably listed as NC by the Pdoc.

Take care of you

Lotsa luv Bast

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