From Daughter of a Schizophrenic Mum - A poem (if anyone else relates)

Hello @Shasan

Rarely on here these days

Password forgotten of course!

Then hey presto I am here!

Humour oh yes please is my saving grace although not everyone gets, notices or understands my very dry sense of humour and now more often dark.

Will look at Atsuko Okatsuka

Thank you

Sophia

Thank you @Shasan

Different dynamics yet still loss of a loved one in many ways due to Schizophrenia

Will look up the comedian will be very interested on how approached and adapted to humour

My adult child now settled interstate in vulnerable housing and will not allow me to call, text only initiated from his end. Fear of being located and what else that might entail.,

I cannot ring, text or visit only respond to contact from him.

He does have friends though which is encouraging.. Best scenario since first went missing in his 20's!

How is your child?

I shall research Atsuko Okatsuka

Thankyou and hoping that you have your time where you enjoy doing or not doing whatever you want.

Take care

Sophia

Aww I can't imagine how unbearable that must feel to not be able to check-in. I think it's the highest form of love letting them be and know that they always have a safe space to return to. Great to know they have friends and hopefully one of them could eventually share some health updates with you discretely although not their responsibility and hard to ask. I'm sorry to hear about that fear of being located but I understand where that stems from the feeling that they're supervised and being heard.. it must be debilitating to live in that anxiety.

I don't have kids but my mom has bipolar schizophrenia. I'm doing a lot of inner child work to heal from the extreme emotional neglect vs nurturing, transferring phobia and anxiety transfer vs safety, and not helping me make sense of the world and what's going on growing up.. My dad didn't either. But it's ok I can do that for myself now and I am still grateful for everything they provided - that was all their capacity and knowledge was.

I don't speak to them that often now and have put the heavy bag of caretaker responsibility down to focus on my own life which didn't develop like many other kids.

I do a lot of meditation and parts work and spend time in nature but it's still very hurtful and angering when she keeps asking me when I'll return permanently - because of dementia she doesn't remember the last 12-13 years and forgets I don't live in the same country anymore. I've asked her to write it down but she simply won't.

It's sad but she's physically safe and healthy. And I cannot do the parentified child caretaking job when I get absolutely no care or nurturing from her - it's humanly impossible for me to not be hurt or triggered. I've released her from that role and understood she's just a girl too whose life took unfortunate turns, but it's very hard for me to not expect that maternal warmth when I'm talking to her or around her and relive the terror and controlling and helplessness all over again.

Also, I wanted to inform that my mom voluntarily takes the monthly injection and goes to the nurse by herself to get it. My dad gets her the prescription usually.

She misses her tablets if someone's not forcing her to take it which is what made her condition really bad, I think it makes her sleepy and anxious... But she seems to be ok with the injection - just for your information if it helps.