Hi! New and looking for support

Sorry I didn't respond to this sooner @Shasan . Hope things are developing at least with relative wins. Your doctor was only part right. The bigger answer is, that it takes a village. A village each for both of you and your mother. And also your mother is still your mother in her own way, whatever that way may be. (Parents always are, you know?)

I tend to read between the lines of schizophrenic manifestations. What I'm reading from your mother's family member tangents is she's, like you but in her own way, conscious about constructing supports.

I've been a family home carer before. It can be kind of uniquely isolating. Find the village(s) as much as you can.

@Daisydreamer Thank you so much for checking in. I feel very cared for and supported! I can't appreciate this gesture enough 🥰

I've been feeling a little bit better, I've accepted that I'm far away and cannot do much else other than calling and check-in on her daily. My suggestions usually aren't well received by my brother and father so I'm learning to make peace with the fact that they're doing their best, if they run out of ideas they'll ask me themselves.

When I call to check-in, I find my dad's depression overwhelming to take on or support. It feels hard to tend to my needs with the guilt hanging and the thought that this is the least I can do so I should listen to him anyway and deal with myself later.

Any tips on how to work with my father will be really helpful.

I have not called home for a couple of days now as I'm dealing with a few health issues myself. It's definitely a stressful time but I'm glad to have this forum and my meditation practice to fall back on.

Thanks again. Hope you're doing okay as well... x

@wellwellwellnez Thank you for your note. I agree, I can see that she's trying to get support because she's afraid and feels safe with her brothers and sisters.

She's still feeling quite paranoid and delusional. My dad told me she's throwing things away and washing herself regularly because ghosts are in the house 😞 She's not eating anything anyone else has made and she's not on top of making food for herself either. She asked me not to talk much over the phone etc. It's in line with symptoms like someone's watching, listening, out to get them. She's obsessively into religion and God so ghosts seem like the unfortunate opposite extreme.

The ghost part is very triggering because I was quite young when she used to speak this way and I've absorbed a lot of them as beliefs. I know they're not completely true but also the whole topic of supernatural stuff isn't completely proven false either!! (Haha) So yeah, I feel safe to say this here on this forum that I'm so scared about ghosts, darkness and fear from all the stupid horror movies.

Hi @Daisydreamer @wellwellwellnez

Hope you had a good weekend.

My weekend was ok until I called my family late on Sunday evening. My mom's relapse had gotten so much better last week, she was talking normally and even laughing at my attempts to be humorous, but it's all gone sideways again.

My dad is crippling under pressure and really overwhelmed. He's 82 and can't care for her yet he's trying to do his best. But he is quite controlling and abusive in nature as that's the only way he knows to order/direct mom to listen to him! I feel so sorry for her and sad that she's getting treated badly but I can imagine why my dad's angry and losing it.

She's being very difficult and maybe throwing her meds. I don't know how much of what my Dad is telling me it's exaggerated and how much is real.

She took the phone hesitantly to talk to me today and after 2 lines she just hung up. When I called back, I heard her telling my Dad in the background that there are devils on her head and if she speaks to me, they'll also transfer to me 😞 😞 So so incredibly sad and sorry for her and also so touched that she's trying to protect her daughter even when she's in this state!!

The doctor is increasing her meds to a stronger dose. She was fine for a couple days after her shot but it's degraded badly since then. She's always been very religious but now my Dad tells me she's throwing away all the things that remind her of God because "someone" told her to. She's taking cold shower every few hours fully clothed because "someone" told her to (OCD?). It's so disturbing for my old Dad to see all this and he's just locking her up trying to ensure she's not going to neighbours or throwing things outside the house - but I feel this is all so abusive!! This is not in Australia and a different country where rules and laws aren't upheld as much as here. I truly don't know what to do. I've asked my Dad to consult the doctor for his own mood and difficulties, I'll see what he does...

I broke down in tears earlier today thinking of her being all alone, sleeping with no one to tell her she's safe 😞 😞 I feel helpless as I can't be with her. In her first lapse she would feel safe with me and would sleep holding my hand 😞 so maybe I'm feeling terrible for not being with her right now. But I can't uproot my life here either and don't know if I'll be of much help if I go there and get overwhelmed as well.

More importantly, I'm scared my anxiety roll go through the roof of I go there.. I've been having nightmares, intrusive images and thoughts all of a very scary nature - my therapist said it's natural because I was so young when she used to tell me there are devils inside the house and really creepy things like that. I'm a 36 yo now but I become that little girl who's scared at the smallest mention of anything supernatural - and then I feel really weird for feeling weird and go into anxiety loop that something is wrong with me, do I have issues just like her, the anxiety becomes too much where my usual mindfulness tips of breathing don't help either - luckily my hubby is very supportive and has been helping me.

It's draining, tiring and never ending. I'll speak to a counselor tomorrow but thought writing it out and sharing might bring some respite so I can try and sleep tonight.

Please keep my mum in your prayers/wishes, she really really needs it. I empathise is everyone going through illnesses and their carers 😢 it's heartbreaking.

Thank you for this space to share. I hope details here weren't too graphic 😞 I didn't know what else to do.

How are you going this week @Shasan ?

Thinking of you and your family. It sounds like there are so many things happening all at once.

Please know we are here for you and you do not have to go through this alone.

Kindest,

tyme