TW: New & Struggling.

Trigger warning: Domestic violence, verbal abuse and talks about suicide

Hi everyone, this is my first post so please forgive me if its a little like I'm off loading my problems.
My husband has been diagnosed with Cluster B BPD, basically this started last year.
We were married after a very short time together, in fact approx 6 mths.
Three days after we married things started on a downhill spiral, my husband attempted suicide for the first time after an argument. Thankfully it wasnt life threatening and left no residual damage nor require any hospital attention even though i called the ambulance and he ran off before they arrived.but i had no explanation as to why this had happened.
over the next few months erratic, controlling behaviour started to surface & arguments became more regular, until one day i had had enough of the accusations & basically having to do everything from financing everything to feeding his dog whilst he did very little other than hurl abuse.
So i therefore decided to leave and return to my family interstate, as i was packing my things to go i noticed he had been in the garage a long time, i went to check on what he was doing and found he had tried to end his life a second time.
Neighbours that i hadn't even met before came to my aide, he was put into an induced coma and i was told there would be three possible outcomes, he would be alright, be completely high needs or he would die. I think ive got somewhere between the first & second.
i was given no explanation & in fact i was pretty much shunned by the professionals at the hospital despite my appeal for answers.
two days later he was released home into my care without as much as even asking me if i needed anything or was in a position to take this on.
Over the next 2 months i tried my best to keep things on an even keel and as to not rock the boat, given i had never dealt with anything like this before i was struggling to deal with the after effects of what i had witnessed, covid had taken flight and i couldn't even visit my family if i wanted to, i felt totally alone, isolated and completely unsupported by the medical profession even my doctor.
again the behaviour started to ramp up again if it even stopped i think i just tried to down play the abuse and behaviour in fear, but my one friend that i had maintained contact with was my sounding board & between the pause in communication and text messages when my husband wasn't watching over my shoulder, which was rarely as he now could no longer work and was basically by my side 24/7 somehow id managed to make plans to leave again, this time i opted to move interstate even further from my family and to a remote part of Tasmania, i felt this was exactly what i needed to do in order to find myself again.
Id found a property to lease and with financial assistance from my friend and co-signing the lease the wheels were in motion and i was set to leave as soon as i obtained a pass to enter Tasmania.
The day i was to depart my husband again attempted suicide.
Again the same three outcomes were given to me, again he was thankfully alright and again he was released into my care two days later, thinking back now i should have left whilst he was in hospital as was suggested to me by paramedics, police & my close friend, although i couldn't, i felt responsible & my nature has always been to put others first and forgo my own needs.
So instead of my new step forward to gain my life and some form of normalcy back we both left for a new life interstate.
That was November last year, since then i am more isolated, suffer verbal abuse on almost a daily basis and controlled or really blackmailed to tolerate the behaviour with my husbands threats of self harm.
The Tasmanian health system has Cluster B BPD & severe depression, he has also attempted many times self harm and ive called the police on one occasion.
I've been told this is domestic violence and i know that, i have a "keep the peace order" taken out by the police but that doesn't mean anything to my husband.
I have tried so many things everything that i can think of to make my life at least tolerable but i feel so lonely, like i have no options and my only purpose is to provide my husbands needs, wants and demands.
The threats of self harm are always on the table and used as a way to control me and im that broken and am suffering PTSD from what ive experienced over the last 12 months.
We went to see a psychiatrist last week whereas he wanted to put my husband on further medication to treat the depression however he is adamant he wont be taking anything. i was also told that my husband basically needs to be admitted into a clinic if for nothing more than to give me a break.
However for this to happen i need various plans put in place as if my husband gets an idea that this is coming he will again threaten self harm and my life will be even harder to deal with.
Basically its trying to get all the ducks in a row at the same time, i love my husband dearly and feel ive done my best to try and help him but at the same time im also suffering due to chronic autoimmune diseases and have neglected my health for so long now im paying the pay physically for that.
I guess what I'm really asking for is the answer to how i go about trying to take back some of my life or at least being able to care for myself without the feeling of guilt by giving up.
Having said ive looked into DBT therapy for my husband and have booked into a new psychologist to commence this, even though the psychiatrist has said this isn't an option for him at the moment.
I just don't know how to cope or deal with these situations and im really really struggling, im the only person in my husbands life, his family basically doesn't want anything to do with him and he has no close friends as such, and ive pretty much alienated my family so as to protect them from my reality...
So sorry for my long winded saga im sure everyone has their own extreme difficulties and im no worse or better than them i just felt that perhaps someone else my have been in the same position and has come out the other side and could provide me with some suggestions.
Thank you for taking the time to listen to me...