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Downward slide

AyeshaSenior Contributor03 Oct 2016, 8:47 pm AEDT

Downward slide

I am having a lot of symptoms and also have been quite manic the last 3 days, have really overdone each day and am in physical pain every night.

Death came to visit me in form and I'm cautiously scared it's coming my way..... I think I might have cancer or something equally horrendous. The physical pain each evening is huge .,, I am broken. I am hallucinating both auditory and visually. I am scared/ not scared to be honest.

I have schizoaffective disorder, OCD and anxiety

I'm becoming more and more fearful of contimination (a fear that is OCD and rears its head every now and then) and I haven't had my meds for 2? Or 3? nights because I'm scared of the chemicals that are no doubt poisoning me and causing all sorts of health problems.

My body is broken, I am in so much pain all the time low grade but high grade at night. I can barely stand (it).

The visit from death was horrific and shook me but I can't say anything to anyone because they will tell me it's all a symptom. However I know it's not....

I have gone from being so fatigued and literally on the point of collapse to not being able to stop myself from doing stuff and keeping busy. One extreme to the other. That, in itself, is exhausting.

I see my psychiatrist on the 20th.... I don't want to spiral down. I need to stay up and on top of my life. I can't fall like this again.

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In response to: Downward slide

Unknown userMember07 Oct 2016, 9:44 pm AEDT

Re: Downward slide

Hi @Ayesha,

I think I'm feeling very similar to you right now. I'm feeling very unstable but trying to hold on the best I can. My thoughts are very self destructive as well and I'm just trying to focus on pretty much minute by minute. My therapist reminded me today that I'm this way because I had forgotten a few of my AD in the last few days, am hormonal and sleep deprived. Knowing that it can get better again is keeping me going. I hope you can hold onto this too, that it can get better when your medication is sorted better and you are back thinking more rationally. Thinking of you @Ayesha. Sending best wishes. 💐💜

In response to: Downward slide

CherryBombSenior Contributor07 Oct 2016, 9:59 pm AEDT

Re: Downward slide

Hi @Ayesha,

I hear you about not wanting to take your meds. Putting chemicals in your body, by the sounds of it, goes against many things you value. It can cetainly be a hard pill to swallow. In the long run though, it can help you get stable. Then you can work on cutting down and/or eliminating meds with you GP.

What can you do tonight to say safe?

Perhaps some altneratives to self harm might be helpful? E.g., splashing cold water on face, squeezing ice cubes, listening to music. Do you have any strategies that you use?

You mentioned earlier that you find reaching out for help difficult - it's great that you're here. Please keep posting, and if things get too much, please don't hesitate to contact emergency services.

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

If in immediate danger: 000

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