Living with Hospital Staff Stigma

TW: Trigger warning for reference to experience of self harm and suicide.
I have a long standing record of hospitalisations due to self harm, suicide attempts and safety risks. I’ve been diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder, anxiety, depression and Underactive Thyroid. I also have numerous addiction problems one is substance abuse, at some point alcohol, and compulsive gambling which has been on and off over the past few years.I know and am aware that I’m highly impulsive and very emotion sensitive… but I kind of expect the mental health teams in our public hospitals will take the wheel when I can’t drive anymore… I want them to step up and do what’s necessary to keep me safe and alive…. Atleast that’s what I would hope them to do BUT this isn’t the case in one of the hospital in Randwick.

Over the weekend, I was unsafe that I tried reaching out to different organisations but didn’t get much help. So I did what I did. Come Monday, I went to my DBT therapy and was still feeling (or was still under the effects) of what’s I’ve done that weekend that I felt the need to let the facilitator know what I did just so they wouldn’t think that I was under the influence of drugs. Long story short, they’ve agreed that it’s best for me to go to hospital which I did. Upon arriving at the ED, the toxicology doctor did all her checks and done all what’s necessary. Then comes the mental health team, they done their interview, while doing their interview I felt that I was being judged and that I will not get the help I needed. Again long story short, they’ve discharged me into the community under the care of the ACT even though I still pose a risk to myself.

the only way I can sort off keep myself safe atm is to stay out of my house and/or keep using… it’s disheartening to feel that when I need help this hospital won’t take that extra step to keep me safe and coz I’m in their catchment area, I will have to keep going there if something goes wrong…

so I’m here out in the community still waiting for referrals to come thru and just relying on the ACT Team for constant support.