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Tired.

AizzaNew Contributor21 Mar 2022, 11:27 pm AEDT

Tired.

Hi,

I've had depression and anxiety since I was roughly 10 years old and I'm now going to be 27 this year. I've had a pretty rough go of things. I was raised by a single Mum who didn't have support who was also mentally ill and made some pretty poor choices in raising me, so I didn't have a stable environment to live in growing up. I didn't have any relatives or anyone else who cared enough to step in either.

While all that was happening I was also bullied a lot at the school I was going to. I went to another school when I was 11 going on 12, but the damage had already been done. I've struggled to make genuine friendships from then on. Any friends that I made, if any, would eventually lose interest and we'd grow apart.

I hate having depression, since it's like I'm being punished for having suffered in the first place. It's stopped me from having a normal life, like completing my education, having friendships. I can't even function enough to make myself food or cook or clean.

I've gone to psychologists for years too and seen about a dozen or more. Then over the past few years I've seen a couple of Psychiatrists, but they don't really seem to listen. The medications they prescribed "worked" for roughly about a year, then stop. I say "worked" with inverted commas because while they stopped me from feeling completely miserable, they didn't give me the energy or motivation needed to look after myself like a normal human being.

I feel really lonely. I feel like I can't open up to anyone and talk freely about my feelings or what I'm going through. When I've done this in the past I've seemed to lose people, so I don't try to be vulnerable around people anymore because I feel as though I know that they won't care.

Finally I'm just really tired and scared. I'm scared that I'm going to be stuck like this forever and that I'll never be able to look after myself.

4 replies

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In response to: Tired.

Eve7Senior Contributor21 Mar 2022, 11:52 pm AEDT

Re: Tired.

Hello and welcome to the forums @Aizza

There are lots of kind people here with lived experience that is similar to yours.

You've been very brave to share so openly and I want to encourage you to keep sharing if you feel comfortable in doing so.

It can be difficult to find the right fit with mental health practitioners. I’ve seen some duds in the past but I am happy with who I see now so I hope you can find the right one for you.

it’s hard when we’re depressed and the thought of being like that forever can be overwhelming but forever is a very long time so I try to focus on the here and now and get through each day as it comes.

Take care and sending lots of welcoming love

💕🍎

In response to: Tired.

HistoryloverSenior Contributor22 Mar 2022, 6:56 am AEDT

Re: Tired.

Hello @Aizza. Just sending a few lines to welcome you. I am sorry things are so tough for you at the moment, and hope that there will be brighter days ahead. We are all kindred spirits here and understand what you are going through. We're all walking the same or similar paths, and it's no fun.

Bullies know the vulnerable people to pick on, don't they?

Cheers and welcome.

In response to: Tired.

NatureLoverSenior Contributor22 Mar 2022, 7:01 am AEDT

Re: Tired.

Hi and welcome, @Aizza ! It's good you've joined, where people can understand what you're going through.

I can certainly understand, and not being able to look after myself or the house due to major depression is very familiar. What helped me was seeing a medical professional who was able to provide personalised medical advice based on my situation. I also sought support through a caring psychologist and GP.

I'm wondering if you feel you had childhood neglect? There's a doctor in the US who specialises in this, and sends free emails regularly about it. They are really helpful, I receive them. Her name is Dr Jonice Webb, if you want to google her.

@Aizza wrote:

I feel really lonely. I feel like I can't open up to anyone and talk freely about my feelings or what I'm going through.

You can talk freely here (within the guidelines ), so I hope you feel you can share your troubles and get support. 🙂

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

In response to: Tired.

Scream58Senior Contributor22 Mar 2022, 9:23 am AEDT

Re: Tired.

@Aizza I wish I had some useful advice for you. I'm fairly new to the forums but I do feel safe here. I hope you feel the same.

Unfortunately bullies do seek out those of us who feel things deeply and there seems to be so many of them or is it that they are so much more visible while we try not to draw attention to ourselves.

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