Why do I?

@Ugly_Trout, perhaps you could ring them more often and get used to interacting that way? The trouble is that when there is nothing but gloom in our lives, that's all we have to talk about, isn't it? I'm having that battle myself.

Hi @Ugly_Trout It’s hard to stop the story our minds create once it gets going on how things will turn out. It’s like we have a crystal ball and can predict the future which of course is not so. Come back to the present moment, the only moment by simply sitting and breathing consciously, slowly. Let your breath settle your mind and flow. You’ll probably regret the missed opportunity of seeing your family and beat yourself up about it. The visit may or may not bring them down but you’ll never know if you never go and if there’s love there amongst your kin, they’ll understand and will be happy to see you. My son is visiting in a month and haven’t seen him for 2 years due to Covid. Desperate to see him but also been feeling overwhelmed cause I’m not in the best of head spaces at the moment and don’t want to upset him. I explained this to him over the phone recently and he told me that’s okay, just having time together is all that matters. I hope this helps and that you do manage to get off the lounge and make the journey. 🙏

Hi

I’m feeling the same. Especially at the moment I feel like everyone is feeling stressed. I also think people don’t want to be around sadness. Which in turn makes us more isolated and depressed. It really sucks. I just try to be happy when I’m there and not tell them how I’m really feeling. Maybe other peoples families are more supportive but I just feel a burden to mine. I guess it’s a pride thing too.

Hi @esprit @Krishna @Historylover I feel the same way you guys do. I think of how I'll be around them, and then stop myself from going or inviting them around. And if I do go over it's like an hour later I'll leave because my brain has started to share too much with bro or mum and dad and I feel out of place. I'm working on it. I have a supportive family, they try, but the more they try I think they just don't get it. Which is unfair. Of course they can't understand it, but I'm getting vibes from dad that he may have suffered when he was younger. So I'll try talking to him more. He and my brother will flat out tell me that the world doesn't revolve around me. I don't think it does, but I think no one thinks of me until they see me then they laugh at the 'joke'. Something every one but me knows about me. I don't think my family are laughing at me though. I'd chat to mum more but she is a worrier. And too old to be worrying if I really opened up.

It's good that you are thinking these things through @Ugly_Trout. No-one knows our situation like we do. Just take things slowly and be patient with yourself, and everyone else.

Hi @Ugly_Trout I’m glad you’re on the forum and sharing your woes. Some good listeners here hey and plenty that can relate. I’ve learnt when I’m around people, which isn’t very often, to shift the focus to them, asking questions about their life/situation to take the focus off me and leave my woes to here on the forum or a counsellor. I have a couple of good friends that I can download to but also try not to do that very often cause like yourself, don’t want to bring people down. Isolation makes things a lot harder cause you simply have too much time to think so I’m looking at ways to slowly venture out of my zone and am starting with baby steps doing a 3 x 1/2 day pottery course with a small group of people. Reinvent myself. I hope you have the opportunity to have a heart to heart with your dad about his possible experiences and I fully understand you not wanting to add more worries to your mum but are there other family members you can speak openly with or a counsellor. Just someone who will listen. May you find peace 🙏

Thanks @Krishna A course may be a good idea. I'll look into it. I found getting it out on here does help. I lost all my friends a long time ago. in your forties it's not easy to remake them :). Work will be good for me if I can get bak into it. Most of it is fifo though. And 12 hr days, 2 weeks on, one week off. So I may find some other work to do. Outside of my trades.