Why does the world even care if I live?

Hi @Scream58 ,

I'm so sorry to hear of your circumstances, and the difficult choices you're left to make. It looks like a really stressful and overwhelming time, and your feelings of regret and hopelessness are understandable. Please know you're not alone in this, and that there are supports available.

I will email you to check in, but if you are in need of crisis support please reach out to Lifeline on 13 11 14. We're here with you,

cloudcore 🌥️

Well, I'm glad you made the call and the other calls that it took to get here. Otherwise I wouldn't have met you, though it would have nice under better circumstances.

It's positive you've got the social work supports you mentioned before. I'm still in despair at the gaps in your needs. Having said that, you've done well to secure the support that you have. It's not easy.

Best advice I can give is to keep communicating, be as patient and kind to yourself as possible and know that you have my respect.

@wellwellwellnez I have scheduled appointments with the Social Worker & Counselor and I don't feel comfortable contacting them outside those. I'm scared they will activate the emergency contact phone tree and I'll end up in the hospital psych ward. My worst nightmare!

Hello @Scream58

You know what? I agree with everything you said. Life is cruelly unfair. Your post breaks my heart to know that you and many others are living in this way.

I have almost been there too. In many ways, I still am.

What I will not agree with is your opening statement that you are some type of reject, or that you are useless. You are not. I don't have to know you, to know that you are important - as equally as useful & important as every other human, animal, creature!

I appreciate that your circumstances are bleak and have become a greater burden than you can carry. I want you to know that the idea that you think you are somehow worth less than someone else in the world who is apparently capable, is an expression of humility. This proves to me that you are someone of worth & needed in this world.

I think you are saying that you want to give up in reaction to your hardships. I can empathize with that. I don't criticize you for feeling that way. Perhaps it is the most intelligent and reasonable emotional response to the neglect you are experiencing. It is not however, in any way, a reflection of your self worth. Remember that.

That can be a thing @Scream58 . From my assessment you come across as "lucid" (not that I'm an assessor). You're under stress but that's for understandable reasons.

@wellwellwellnez I've been told so many times that I'm too tuned in to my feelings meaning I feel everything completely. Any given day can be a rollercoaster and trying to get back on track is exhausting. I've always done whatever I can to help and support people but when I need support I feel invisible. If I lived just 5 kms down the road I would be eligible for financial assistance for my medical appointments.

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@Scream58 wrote:

If I lived just 5 kms done the road I would be eligible for financial assistance for my medical appointments.

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Oh no, I really feel for you @Scream58 😞

I really hope things improve and you feel stronger in yourself soon...

Hope you are feeling a better today @Scream58

So sorry to hear things are so tough for you at the moment, @Scream58. We just have to keep going regardless. I hope your health improves soon and helps to improve your outlook. Little victories are fine. Take care of yourself and your recovery.

I've just sent a long letter to a local MP in the hope of getting some assistance or information to help move forward. I'm not really hopeful but it is an election year so worth at least shaking the tree.

Fingers crossed.

Today is the day Centrelink expect me to start applying for jobs.