I'M BAAACK (at least for one evening).

This site looks kind of familiar...

It's good to write something and know I have an audience for it... and what an audience! I'm glad to see you guys.

If you don't know me, my name is Florence... or not really, but I still prefer to be called Florence. The actual Florence is coming out with a new album, so I thought I needed a new username.

Seriously, though, I am kind of overwhelmed. When I had my previous account, I talked a lot about what is a heartbreak to say the least.

I still haven't found anyone else, or come anywhere close.

I had one last blow, seeing her and her new boyfriend together for the first time. And not just walking around. They had their arms around each other, looking deep into each other's eyes...

They meet each other in our carpark, every night. I saw them together once, and it'll stick with me for a long time...

Five days later, I found a new job.

She's finally out of my life. I am so relieved, and EXCITED!

I was watching a documentary with paramedics, where they were treating a young man who had a panic attack after a break-up.

The paramedic said "you won't remember her name in twelve months". I HOPE to goodness that getting a new job will make healing a lot easier, and more importantly, that it'll be OK.

I struggle with support forums nowadays... because nowadays I don't need to be listened to. I need answers.

That's how I feel, anyway, when the darkness rolls in. I don't want to go through a journey, I want everything to change now. I don't want to have to rely on faith, I wish I could just know one way or another.

PLEASE tell me that staying on this earth will take away the pain, not just be "worth" the pain.

I've heard a lot of people say that the pain never truly goes away, but at least you can "minimise the damage", or "cope with it easier". Or they seem to embrace it:

You truly love each other and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the story books say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will.

That doesn't sound like a life worth living. I don't know if I have the strength to keep fighting. Please tell me that I don't have to keep fighting.

I mean, am I going to wrap my arms around my first-ever girlfriend, and look into her eyes, and not be able to enjoy it as much, because I've already lived it through someone who hurt me?

Of course, I'm not expecting you to tell me that it's going to be OK, but I just wish I could hear it from someone who's been through it themselves and believe it... or someone who has a time machine. Either one is fine.